..: It's been a while :.

I haven't shared in a long time... Here goes nothing :)

I can't seem to shake you
Waking up in a sweat
Falling asleep while still awake
I dream you
Day and Night
The fight I have each day with my heart is draining me
The feelings should have subsided long ago
But my heart says otherwise
The emotional attachment should have faded long ago
But my soul says otherwise
My mind says I should hate you
But my love still wishes to embrace you
Knowing that I can't have you, I still keep you
Close
Only as a friend
Steadily trying to prove how true we would have
Could have
and should have been
My pen seems to be the only way that you and I can be together
But I keep holding on to a memory
Haven't found someone better than you for me
So I stay lonely
Strategically
Master mindfully and tactfully etching out the possibility of being without you
And I push others away
I try to remain close to you
Knowing in the end that you without me will forever be my reality
But I'm struggling
Struggling to accept it
Struggling to embrace it
Pinching myself constantly
Hoping that this really isn't my love story
It's a mystery to me
One I can't solve
A battle with my heart that I can't seem to conquer
When will I get over you?
How do I release you?
How do I stop loving you?
I won't
I don't
I can't
And I just have to accept it
You will forever be my hearts dream
You will forever be my souls mate
You will forever be...my first love