.: FrEeNeSs :. [Self Evaluation Part VIII]

Oh my goodness...Why in the world did I NOT set myself free a long time ago? I was causing myself so much unnecessary stress!! and for what reason? Was it because I was ashamed? [Well, yes, for a long time I was] What did I gain from being bound? [Stress, loss of hair, sadness, misery, etc.] Was I hurting myself more then helping? [Yes, OMG]

I was so selfish when I was holding all of that in...I didn't think about anyone the many lives that I was affecting by being bound. I didn't think about how I was keeping myself from fulness in God. Man oh, man...what a mess I made because I didn't listen when he was talking to me.

As most know, I recently publicly stated my Rape that happened 4 years ago. For 4 years I lived in shame. When it happened, it took me 4 months to even tell my family. Yes, I needed time to recover and heal from the process but in the process, I found myself more bound because I was too ashamed to share.

I have learned over the past 4 years, the truth to the statement: Everything happens for a reason...

Never in my wildest dreams, would I have ever thought that by setting myself free, that I would inspire others to be free. I thank God for my big sister Bunny...she was there for me probably more then most know or think. It was her freeness that inspired me. FrEeNeSs is like a chain reaction, and I already see it manifesting all through out church. So many people, young and old, male and female, have come to me expressing their appreciation. My reply/response is thankfulness that God used little old ME to inspire and encourage his people.

The most fulfilling moment thusfar since my FrEeNeSs was activated: Sitting at a table with 6 other co-workers, being able to speak freely about the Rape, as an example. We were in discussion about a girl that waited a long time to come out about it. Since most had not been through it, they didn't understand how REAL the situation is...Yesterday, I was stopped in the hallway by my co-worker who thanked me for being so open. She praised me for being able to speak about it...Why? because she's been bound by hers for 25 years. She still has trouble speaking about it. So we talked, and I just let God use me...and a conversation that started with sadness, ended with smiles and laughs...I thank God for using me...

So, life is just different now...

This joy that I have...the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away...

Set yourself FREE

Spread your wings like a butterfly


Be a beacon in the dark of night...You never know who's life you can impact by sharing your testimony.

But know and realize that setting yourself free is not a one step process. It's something that continues on...But know that the longer you stay bound, the happier the devil is...

Know that when you do finally set yourself free, the devil is going to be busy...But when you're free, and that JOY takes over, there's nothing that can take that joy away.

So keep fighting, keep praying. God can and he WILL bring you through.

As always, I'm always here with a listening ear...Free to love and free to share. I just don't want someone else to go through what I've been through.

Until next time...

Always [Love] Forever,

.: LA :.

Meditation with Moms

The King of Pop United With the King of Kings

What if we took a look at some of the songs that Michael Jackson, King of Pop, wrote for the secular world and apply those titles to the spiritual world to honor the King of Kings?

We are invincible when we have Christ. We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Do you wanna be startin’ somethin’ for Christ? Do you want to serve Him, worship Him in spirit and in truth?

Although it may be human nature, it is dangerous to succumb to the wiles of the devil, for the devil is bad and will only lead you into a life of destruction, but God redeems us from destruction when we trust in Him. You must wear your spiritual armor and keep up the good fight of faith. Tell the devil to just beat it! The enemy will flee when you quench his fiery darts with your shield of faith and pierce him with the sword of the spirit.

Can you say to Jesus the way you make me feel is the best thing you have ever experienced in your life? He is the lover of your soul. Can you say to Jesus I wanna rock with you? Do you want to be rocked in the bosom of Abraham?

Take a look at the man in the mirror and see if you are pleased with him. Does the reflection show that you are a disciple of Christ—that you are striving toward perfection?

It is easy as ABC to accept Christ as your Savior. All you have to do is confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart God has raised Him from the dead. Instead of singing stop the love you save may be your own, sing stop the life you save may be your own!

Don’t stop serving Jesus when times get tough, for He is still with you when you go through your storms. Don’t stop till you get enough of the goodness of God—until He calls you home to be with Him.

Remember the time when God brought you out when you were sinking. Think on how He delivered you and set you upon the rock. He is an on time God who will meet you at your point of need. You are not alone when you go through the valley. God is with you during the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the ups and the downs.


As disciples for Christ we need to come together to heal the world. For we are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving. There’s a choice we’re making; we’re saving our own lives; it’s true we’ll make a better day just you and me.

.: Pieces of Me :.[Look where he brought me from]

How am I able to allow myself to be so open and vulnerable? I ask myself this question a lot. I really felt moved/led to share my story with the world. I've been looking back on where God has brought me from and I've been thinking about where he's trying to take me.

Will folks have a lot of questions after reading this? Absolutely! Will I be open and honest with every answer? Of course I will be! That's all i know to be. Anyways, brace yourself folks...This was written as a poem but it is a true life tale from the life of .: LA :.

We caught eyes as we lay next to each other in the bed that night...
I could tell from the look in your eye how bad you wanted me...
So you began...
You were kissing me and touching me...
Making me feel good all over...
Until you pushed a little too hard...
Suddenly what was once pleasure became pain...
Suddenly I felt the power and control I once had, slip away from me...
You continued to force yourself upon me...
As I resisted, it seemed like it was just fuel for you to keep pushing...
Fuel for you to keep going...
Fuel for you to keep hurting me...

I struggled to get you away from me...
When you had finally let up, I had lost all energy...
As I lay in the bed, tears began to form in my eyes...
As each one slid down my cheek, I was reminded of each second that you had taken control over me...
It reminded me of the lack of respect you had for me and my body
You were supposed to be my friend...

In a matter of 3 minutes, you had become my worst enemy...
In a matter of 3 minutes you had ripped my pride, my dignity, and my self-respect away from me...
You lied to me, deceived me and hurt me...

Do you know how I feel right now?
Do you know how it feels to have this emotional scar?
Do you know what it feels like to be degraded? Violated?
Do you know?

No, you don't know...
If you did, you wouldn't be begging for me to accept your apology...
If you knew, you wouldn't keep calling me trying to talk to me...
If you knew, I wouldn't be hurting so much right now...
If you knew, I wouldn't be living in fear right now...
If you knew, you never would've hurt me...

Written by Leslie Alexander
©2005


This post might change many of your thoughts/perceptions/views, etc. of me...I just wanted you to know one of the driving forces that was a part of the makings of ME. I didn't post this for sympathy, I didn't post this expecting anything special from anyone. I just wanted you to get to know more about ME. Feel free to ask any questions, or make any comments.

This post was for me...I've finally found the missing piece


Acceptance!!! For a long time now, I thought I had accepted what had happened to me. I realized that I was still using it as a crutch. I allowed it to keep me from trusting, from achieving...I still had wounds left unhealed. Not because they couldn't be healed, but because I wouldn't allow them to be. But I'm free! I'm more free then I've ever been before in my life. Yes, that one man hurt me, but GOD has made one man for me that will love me and honor, and cherish and respect me. God has made the perfect man (complete with imperfections) for me...and I intend to wait until that man finds me, and I him. The single life isn't easy but the reward is fulfilling. I intend to wait on God

I hope my story/testimony can help someone else that may be going through...

I'm always here, with a listening ear...

Always [LOVE] Forever,

.: LA :.

Etymology (Spoken Word Series Part II)

As most of you know, my poetry speaks a lot on current as well as past situations. This is about one of the past. I'm glad to say that it isn't a part of my present. Maybe someone else needs this more than me...Enjoy!


I ran into the ex
Yea, him
The one that left me for she
The one that broke, wounded, and left my heart skarred
It's hard to see him now
He's got his own family
4 years and my heart still hurts
My wounds are still left unhealed
My heart still bleeds for the need to be loved by
Him
It was him that loved me in a way no other man could
It was he that once made me feel beautiful
He was the one, the only one that sent chills up my spine
and in time I just knew he would come back to me
But now I see
What was once just a nightmare
has truly become a harsh reality
You see he decided that WE, should be made up of him, her, and me
But I thought a couple was TWO, not Three
Now his mistake has altered my entire destiny
Our picture perfect relationship is null and void
You see, he thought he could lie to me and say that his focus was gone
He lied and tried to deny that his feelings for me were gone
but I knew better
And I let go
I could see in his eyes how hard he tried to fight his true feelings inside
And in his eyes I saw the truth
I knew there was a her
And that what we had was fading
I knew that it wasn't just because of her but that there was also a baby
And my heart hurt
He once told me that I was the future
He once told me that I was who should be, the mother of his future babies
But he killed that dream
He denied me the right
He denied me the TRUTH
He just left
No words
No calls
No letters
No Text
I got nothing
And I was left wondering
Claims he was too afraid to hurt me
But how could he just desert me?
I knew he had new responsibilities
but what about me
When did I not matter anymore
Why was I pushed aside
How come Im the only one feeling and dealing with the pain
Yea, I know it sounds insane but im finding it hard to maintain my sanity
And I just wish he could feel what I feel
I wish that he would have all the lonely nights
I wish he lacked trust
I just wish he could feel
What i feel
Every night that i sit
And wait
For the call to say "hey i think we need a break"
Or the text to say "we're through"
Or even the conversation that takes WE and turns it back to you and me
You see I
Just
want
to be free

I refuse to sink... [Self-Evaluation Part VII]

Just because you don't feel the hand of God upon you, doesn't mean he isn't there...

Those are words that challenged me, they spoke to me and pierced my soul. How did I feel after hearing those words? Everything made sense. You see, when you think the hand of God isn't on you, you have a tendency to succumb to fear. I can honestly say that I have been one of those that has. I used to be afraid of storms...Pastor reminded us of a few things.

*Storms are inevitable [I can't run from them]
*Storms are unpredictable [There's always the calm before the storm. You never know when they are coming or how strong they will be]
*Storms are impartial [Storms rain on the just as well as the unjust; Blacks and Whites; Males and Females; etc.]
*Storms are temporary [Reminds me of the song I used to sing: "Encourage my soul, and let us journey on. For the night is young, and I am far from home. Thanks be to God, the morning light of peace. The storm is passing over, the storm is passing over, the storm is passing over, hallelujah"]

One thing that we have to remember is that storms do come over everyone, but its the way we respond to them that sets us apart from others. The key is to respond in FAITH and NOT fear.

The Pastor also reminded us of 3 things to do when you feel you're going under
1. Remember the Lords presence [Even when it seems like he isn't there, remember that he is. His presence makes all the difference.]

2. Rest in the Lords Promise [How simple it sounds, but how easily we forget to do so. Don't get so caught up in the storm that you forget about where God is taking you. Don't forget about V.35]

3. Rely on the Lords Power [The power is in the word; "Peace be still" Just remember that when God is ready to bring you out of the storm, it's by his word...]

What a concept right?!? Basically all you need to do is trust in the Lord, have faith [Faith without works is dead btw],pray, and strive to stay in his will. Yes we sometimes fall short, but God is a forgiving God. God is a God of Purpose. We must remember that everything that we go through is for a reason. He would never put more on us then we can bear.

So what are you saying Leslie?! What I'm saying is that I refuse to sink!! I refuse to allow fear to keep me from reaching my destiny!! God is too good and deserves more from me.

So keep fighting and keep praying my brothers and sisters...He's worthy!

Remember...

Always [Love] Forever

.: LA :.

Didn't I blow your mind this time...Didn't I? [ Self Evaluation Part VI ]

How amazing and awesome God is...

Last night's sermon was soooo on point...

Ephesians 3:14-21 "When God Blows Your Mind"

When God blows your mind, 3 things will happen:

1. Period of Transformation-When you all the spirit to work in and through you, your life transforms.

2. You become cognisant of your inner personality [God will begin to reveal things to you about yourself that you never knew existed]

3. There is a sense of awe (praise) that happens [You begin to praise him in advance for what he's going to do, not just for what he's done]

God can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ask or think. How awesome is that...When I pray and praise God for my house, he has the power to bless me with a home; When I pray and praise God for a husband and Children, he has the power to bless me with a loving family; When I pray and praise God for a job he has the power to bless me with the will and desire to start my own company...

[AMEN!]

I recognize and accept God moving in and through my life.

How amazing God is!!

Words can not begin to express the awesomeness of God...He is lifting me higher

Worship...Leadership...Is he leading me in that direction? Is he calling me to a higher level of worship through leadership? Can the two be put together?

I believe so, and I intend to continue to listen and hear from him.

God, I trust you...

My mentors in life [mombunnydaniellejeanettesamia]are all powerful women of God that were placed here to help me through many trials of my life...I thank God for these women. It is through these women that I've grown so much closer to God...They have helped me with my walk with Christ. Even when they didn't know it, they were constantly inspiring me to continue to press my way...They've encouraged me, uplifted me, they've held me accountable...I am so thankful to God...

Nothing can separate me...


Always [Love] Forever,

LA