.: Brand Nu Year Brand Nu Me :.

My first blog post of 2010...

Man, what a year it has been already :)

I just returned from Mexico...I'm looking quite bronzy right now with this tan. But I love it.

Before I left, I had been dealing with so many things here at work. My mind was cluttered, I was breaking out, I was coughing...It was tough I must say. As soon as I stepped off of the plane in Mexico, it all went away...I needed the time to clear my mind.

It's time to refocus, regroup, and reroute! 2010 is a brand new year for me. I've challenged myself to do things that I've never done before. To

.: The Gift of LoVe :. [Reflections] Tis' the season

Sunday afternoon: After a long Sunday full of singing and giving praise and honor to God I was exhausted. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before because I was wired at 12:00 a.m. after taking a mini-nap around 7:00 p.m. that evening. I looked over to my mom and asked "Mom, did we consider the fact that we had to sing 2 services before going out caroling this evening?" Mom replies: "I did, I don't know about you" Did Mom just play me?

You see, every year our Sunday School department goes Christmas caroling around to a few of the nursing homes in the area. Back in the day, my mom would drag us out there. I didn't have a strong appreciation for it then, but boy has my perception changed.

We were to meet at 2:30 on the church parking lot. I hadn't eaten all day so I was already in a mood. So my Auntie Elaine offered up some cash to take me to get something to eat so that I can get through the trip, well as long as I picked her up something to eat as well. So off I went to McDonald's. As I returned to the church, I watched who was getting out of their cars to get on the bus and participate in the activity. As more and more people came, Mom and I were relieved and jokingly said, "well they have plenty of people, they don't need us." Then as we kept looking, we realized that these were people that were willing to participate, but were not people that typically sing and openly admitted that they can not carry a tune, but with the right spirit, you'd be amazed at what you can do!

We had three stops to make, 3 nursing homes to spread holiday cheer to. We had dozens upon dozens of people to meet, greet, and sing to. So we embarked on our journey promptly at 2:30. I told my mom, we won't be done until 5:30 p.m. she laughed and said, nooo we'll be done by 4 I laughed as I pulled out of the parking lot, shaking my head at my mother who really believed what she said. So we headed out. 1 Church van, 3 SUV's, and 2 cars...As soon as we pulled out, we found ourselves separated by lights. This was going to be a long day. Finally, after 20 min of driving around in circles behind the church van, we arrive at The Washington House.

We walk in and they hand us a song book and they turn to me and my mother waiting for their next direction. I'm sorry, when did we become in charge of this? What in the world?! Lol moving on...There was a crowd of elders in the lobby awaiting our arrival. We started off with Joy to the World. We also brought small gifts to hand out to the elders. We handed out socks, hats, and gloves. The look on their faces were priceless. They were filled with such joy and excitement and appreciation. This was the greeting and reaction received throughout the course of the afternoon. We walked the halls caroling. There were some that were able to come to the door and they would sing along with us. There were some that were unable to move but would send a wave or a huge smile our way as a thank you.

Each nursing home gave me a different memory to take home:

The Washington House-- There was a lady that got off the elevator in her wheel chair. The nurse just rolled her out into a crowd of Ninjas singing. The dialogue went as follows:

Nurse: Do you know where you are?
Lady: Yeah, I think so. [The lady was looking down and didn't realize what she had just been rolled into]
The lady looks up, and then she yells
Lady: Wait, where am I? Where's my room?
Nurse: Would you like me to take you to your room?
Lady: Yes, please!

Apparently she had not seen that many black folk at one time...I guess she was caught off guard. Lol

Envoy--There were 2 Shiloh members that lived there. This place had me in tears, literally!

As we entered the Dining Hall, there was Sister Dorothy Scott in tears! I couldn't finish the song! This was one of the elders of our church. She taught me Sunday School when I was 2 years old. She would always tell me stories about it. So when she saw so many familiar faces, she was filled with emotion and so was I. The other people that were in the dining hall were also excited about the visit as well. They were singing and laughing. There was even a man that told one lady in our group that he wanted her for Christmas. Lol Man, gotta love a sense of humor :)

There was also another lady at Envoy that had me in stitches lol. When we gave her the gift, she asked "Is this a prize? Does this mean that I'm going to heaven?" So touching and she was so serious.


Woodbine-- There was also another Shiloh member staying there. She was smiling and laughing and seemed really happy to see us. She remembered who I was. She hadn't seen me since I was really young. I remember Ms. Ernestine when she was a member of the Sanctuary Choir. Most of you new Shiloh members weren't around for that choir.

The funniest thing though, had to be when we handed the socks to one lady and her reply was "What kind of S*** is this?"--Lol HILARIOUS!


All in all, it was a good trip. It was a great chance for me to spend some time with moms as well as an opportunity for me to reflect on my own life and to be grateful for what I have. Love, support, and family.

This trip taught me the true meaning of this season. It's not just about the Christmas trees, the presents, the lights. Instead, it's about the gift of life, and love. It's about the birth of our savior and how we are to love others as Christ loves us.

At the end of the day, as the clock struck 5:30 p.m. [I told my mom that's what time we'd be done!] and as I stood there with hurt feet from walking in 3.5 in. heels around the nursing homes, as I thought about getting lost, or how hungry I was, it all went away. None of that mattered anymore...What mattered were the smiles across everyone's faces. The laughter, the singing, the dancing. That's all that mattered.

So I challenge you this season not to get caught up in the hype of Christmas but to instead remember the real reason for the season.

Give the gift of Christ and love to someone this season, all season.



Give the gift of Eternal life...You never know whose life you can touch!

I love you all...

Have a blessed Holiday Season and Enjoy your week!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Oh, and for the next week I can NOT hear the following songs: Silent Night, Joy to the World, O Come All Ye Faithful, Deck the Halls, We Wish You A Merry Christmas, or Jingle Bells...I'm all jingled and all caroled out!

Love y'all!

.: Ninja Chronicles (Part IV) :. [Oh No He Didn't!!!!]

So where do I begin...What was supposed to end a month ago, continues into today. I said I was going to let go, instead, I find myself still giving him a chance when will I learn?

I think I have...

It was a cold winter night. Everyone was out and about enjoying themselves, I found myself alone and in "want" of some company.

10:45 pm: [Me] Sir, are you coming over forreal? (In a conversation earlier, he expressed interest, as well as I, about seeing each other since we were off the next day)

12:06 am: [Sir] Was traffic bad out? (Holiday or not sir why are you asking me about traffic? Just get in the car and come over if you're coming)

12:20 am: [Sir] Okay, I'm headed your way

2:00 am: Still no sir...So I place a call to his phone. * ring * * ring * * ring * * ring * * ring * * ring * --Voicemail picks up-- I hang up and turn over and go back to sleep...No this Ninja did not play me!!!

2:55 am: [Sir] U sleep?

2:56 am: [Me] Yes. U just woke me out of some good sleep (I was mid-drool when I was awaken by the text)

He still tries to continue the convo via text.

3:00 am: [Me] I'm going back to bed


3:01 am: [Sir] Go back to sleep (you're daggone right I'm going back to sleep champ! who do you think you are?)

3:02 am: [Me] Where are you anyway? You said you were coming 3 hours ago

3:03 am: [Sir] You got your pj's on (Say huh? Say what? Did he really ask me that. At this point I proceed to cut my phone on silent and roll back over and go to sleep.

10:12 am: [Me] For the record, you're fired and on my bad list. That is all. Have a good day

So last night I made it clear to him that he and I seem to have an issue with communication. Wait no, I take that back, I let him know that he had an issue with communication and that it wasn't going to work out. I also informed him how his late night calls and text really rubbed me the wrong way and that I do not appreciate getting stood up and it is not something I forget easily. He gives me the mumbo jumbo about how he is so sorry and that he wants to make it up to me...why would I want you back? 9 times out of 10, you were with some other chick. So he tried to bring up the fact that he goes out of his way to come and see me and what not, and how he jumps out of his bed at a moments notice to come over. Really? Like you did the other night. Ha!!!!! I don't have time for Ninjas and will not stand for you or your Ninjaism. I don't know who he thought he was dealing with, but V is not the one!

Sad thing is, I really liked him, and according to him, he really liked me too! But this is not the first time that he's been a jerk-face and I can not stand for it anymore!!!!!

I MUST say NO to NINJAS! I WILL say NO to NINJAS!

No Ninjas!
No Ninjas!
No Ninjas!
No Ninjas!

Okay...I'm done done done, I'm bout' to be on to another one! Thanks Chrisette Michele..."Another One" is my new anthem.

SN: I miss the Ninja, but i'm slowly but surely flushing him out of my system



Well...On that note, * Potty break * and then bedtime
That's enough from me for the day...2 posts in one week, man oh man...

This segment of Ninja Chronicles was brough to you on behalf of the PUT A NINJA OUT FOUNDATION (Founding Members-Kelis, Tiger Wood's boo, and Rhianna to name a few) Please email them at ohnohedidnt@gmail.com for information on membership dues. Guaranteed Membership if you ever hit that Ninja or left him with any scars, bruises, abrasions, etc...(Okay, Tiger's situation is not a laughing matter. Abuse=Not Funny)

Like you, I'm only human...I make mistakes too!!! #Dontjudgeme (wow too much twitter in my life)

As always, I'm hear with a listening ear...

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

.: Life-Changing :.

Man, what an emotional yet fulfilling weekend. A weekend full of laughs, and tears, happiness and sadness, comfort and fear...I probably felt every emotion possible this weekend. I had a ton of moments for growth. I learned so much about self and realized that I'm in a new season...


Saturday night I broke down. I went from baking cupcakes to crying in a dark room in my friend's house...What in the world?!? I wonder if I'm going through the change early? No, really...There have been so many times that I've just emotionally broken down out of nowhere. No warning, no signs of when it will come or end. Saturday was one of those days.

I hadn't been feeling 100% all day, but I knew that I had to be there for my friends. They needed me...So I put self behind, and put others in front. I think that's where I went wrong. I told a friend of mine that I think I'm going to start being a bad friend. She asked why...I told her that everyone runs me to death...But reality is, it's not all their fault. I allow them to. I'm always the one that's there...The one that everyone can rely on. I always put others before self but how come I never have my own Selfish moments? Well it's time that I do...I'm sure some of you are going to be like, "How dare she?" some will say "Good for you Leslie" either way I'm taking time away...

That's it! Eureka! I need a break from everything and everybody...Time to go back to God on some things...I think he is preparing me for what's next in my life...As I think about my roommate moving away, and me having to find a place on my own, maybe that's what I have to face...The reality of being alone for once. I've always surrounded myself with people and never really taken time for me. It's time I start. So if that means I miss a few outings here and there...Or that I have to spend a friday night in the house, so be it.

My prayer is that folks understand where I'm going...If you don't maybe our season as friends is over...I've grown to know and understand that friendships go through their own seasons...and as much as it may hurt, I have to accept that things are going this way for a specific purpose/reason.

Although it hurts even now to think about the major changes that are about to take place, I'm confident that God will be my comforter when I need it. He will continue to love me even in times when I feel alone and feel as though no one else understands.

I thank him for the strong support system that has been built. The family/friends that have been there to support, to comfort, and help heal. God is sooooo awesome! I won't name anyone's name because I don't want to forget anyone...Y'all know my memory is horrible. But if you have read this message and will be a supporter of my next mission in life. Thanks in advance!!! To all of those that may not understand or may not support my decision, that's okay...I still love you anyway (Insider: That supernatural love: Insider)

RevRunWisdom: "Real friendship is shown in times of trouble, prosperity is FULL OF FRIENDS"-Euripides

Now's the time when my real friends will show up and show out...I already have one on my side, and his name is JESUS!

Well enough rambling for one day...

Remember:

God is Love...
God is...
God...

As always, I'm here with a listening ear.

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

.: The Pain of Relationships :. [I need a moment to vent]

There are no pictures today...No famous quotes...

I'm just a friend whose heart is heavy...

Abuse is Abuse...whether Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Verbal, or Emotional...it's all still damaging to the heart, mind, and soul.

When is enough, enough? As I sit in the background and watch a close friend continue to allow a man to verbally abuse her I wonder...When is enough, enough? For the last 5 years, I've watched as this man yells, curses, and degrades this young woman. For 5 years I've been a listening ear, I've offered advice, I've allowed her to cry on my shoulders...and again I ask...When is enough, enough?!

Has she ever tried fighting back? I guess so, if you consider yelling back at him fighting back...For me the ultimate victory would be picking yourself up, finding self love, and doing what's best for you and your family...

As I sat on the phone with her the other night and listened to the screaming match that she was having with her boyfriend, my heart grew heavy. How could any MAN or WOMAN disrespect others and themselves like that? I know what some may be thinking..."Leslie you're on the outside looking in. You don't understand..." Maybe I don't understand fully...but I also can't just continue to sit back and watch the disrespect that goes on between these two. The worse part of it all is that this happens in front of their kids. As I heard their son say "Daddy, don't talk to mommy like that" I had to fight back the tears. This is what their children are witnessing. That's the image that his children have to see...it's like they're saying yes son, it's okay to disrespect a woman by constantly yelling and cursing at her. Or yes daughter, it's okay to allow a man to disrespect you like this. Just shut your mouth and take it!

My heart hurts even now as I type this. It's not one persons fault, both are at fault...

As I hear her stories about how much time they DON'T spend together. How much they "say" they love each other but never have action to show it. The lies they tell each other...the emotional connection that they lack... .: Sigh :. When is enough, enough?

As I listen to Mya's 'Moodring' cd, the song "Taste This" comes on.

"Taste This"

I'm tired of this sh*t
I'm tired of these silly @ss games
I can't even look at you no more
And I don't think you'll ever understand
Until you get a dose of your own
It's your turn now

Crazy how I never use to say a single word
I just held in all the hurt, all this hurt
And I was so afraid you might flip out
And leave me in the cold
Then my mind ran out of space
So many stories untold

How would you feel
If I put my girls before the one I love
How would it feel
If every time you wanna talk
I turn the TV on
How would you feel
If when we're making love
I don't go down no more
So you know how I feel
Get ready cause a 3-6-0's about to go down

Taste this
You not a man
If I gotta tell you how to treat me (Oh)
And I'm not a woman
If I don't stand up in what I believe in
Taste that
50/50's it's suppose to be
But less than 25 is what you gave me

I just wish that all of it were true!!!!! Some days I just really wish that she would put all of those words into action. So as her friend I try to be patient. I try to sit back because I don't know what else to do. I never want to be in the middle of any relationship. Especially since I've been friends with both of them for the same amount of time. I just wish she'd really give him her 2 weeks notice! Ugh!!! She says she wants out...I know she's invested a lot, but honestly...No MAN or WOMAN for that matter, is worth the blood, sweat, and tears that she has suffered over these last years...No one deserves this treatment...No One...

So as her friend, what am I supposed to do? I pray for her all of the time. I pray for her strength. I pray for her patience. I pray for wisdom and that one day a light bulb will come on and she can finally say "ENOUGH!"

She reminds me every day why it's okay to be single sometimes. I never want to be in a situation or a "relationship" where I am always saying that having this "Man" is better than not having anyone at all...

Biggest Fear: One day a hand will be raised out of anger, and someone will physically get hurt... :(

I'm waiting and praying that her "Movin On" and "Take a Bow" and "Irreplacable" moment will come..........

I wait for the day that Self Love will outweigh Lustful Love...We all know that a physical relationship will never last...

So I ask for your prayers my friends...Pray for all women going through any type of abuse...Pray for those in bad relationships...Pray for those in relationships alone...Pray for those that are single and think that bad love is better than no love...

Like they say: I can do bad all by myself...

Sorry, folks, I just needed a moment to vent...

May his Peace be with each of you...

Always

[LOVE]

Forever

.: LA :.

.: Epiphany :.

I have been working on this blog for a little over a week now. Struggling to get through it because my mind is so cloudy...



I sit now thinking about the place that I'm in. How unhappy I am...How unfulfilled I am...How happy I once was...* sigh *

The best way for me to release and let go sometimes, is to let the tears flow. But how do I do that, when I'm all cried out!! I seem to have run out of tears. I'm not sure of when and how I lost that joy I once had. I was doing so well for so long. One day last week I just woke up and looked around, thankful for another day but yet still empty. I've been thinking a lot over these last couple of weeks. I lost focus...I lost sight of the most person thing...I lost sight of God.

I found myself going home every night, and instead of reading my word, I spent that time sleeping, or watching tv. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I knew things had gone wrong after I broke my commitment to God. Ultimately, I got distracted, and I didn't even attempt to find a way to regain focus, but I must. I have to now. There's no way that I can continue saying that I'm a child of God, and preaching one thing and doing another.

I have to forgive myself...I've already asked God for forgiveness but in order for me to move on, I've realized that I've got to get past me and back to him.

So I took a major step which was a part of forgiving myself...I had to let go of a relationship that was keeping me from moving forward. It was a relationship that I was allowing to distract me from my relationship with God. So caught up in the idea of "having someone", that I lost sight of self. I was forgotten when it became US. Couldn't do it anymore so I let go. Did this person do me wrong? No, but I knew that I wasn't where God wanted me to be. I tried to be my own Cupid instead of allowing God to be the lead. I knew it wasn't going to work out, but it was what I wanted, even if only for a moment. But I had to let go...And now, I am working on the reconstruction of ME.

End Result: I'm still a work in progress...

Thankful that God is a God of a second chance! Thank you God!!

Leslie is still


So, I didn't realize how attached I was to my cell phone.



Last Wednesday, my BB went down for the count and never regained consciousness. At first, I was saddned by the death of Be-Be (as she was affectionately known as) But by day 2, I realized that it was what I needed. I spent 5 days without a phone and I was okay with that. When I got a new one the system was down so they couldn't sync my phone. Therefore, I lost all of my contacts. Thank you God!!! Sounds crazy right?!? But I looked at it this way, I've been struggling to let go of some people from my past. I kept trying to bring back people into my life that I know God was trying to take away. I need a clean sweep through my phone. I kept saying, one day, I'm going to need their number...Foolishness!!! What in the world was I thinking about?!?! I needed to let go...I wanted to let go but wouldn't allow myself to, but thank God for the broken phone!

It's just another step on my road to recovery :) I will no longer be addicted to the Crackberry!!!


Words of Wisdom for the week: Be not weary, in well doing. In time, it will come to pass. Set your eyes on things above, know that God is working on your behalf. :)--Thank you Hezekiah Walker and The LFCC! [I'm staying focused. This joy that I have the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away]

"Every SET BACK that we go through is a SET UP for a COME BACK!--Thank you Rev. Joel Olsteen

So, enough rambling for the day...I do have work to do :-)

As always, I'm hear with a listening ear.
Keep me in your prayers as you are in mine...

Peace and Blessings!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

.: Mending and Healing :.

Ever been hurt?
Ever hurt someone else?
Ever had to heal?

Ever had to Repair a Ruptured Relationship?

Man, last night's sermon penetrated my heart in so many ways.

Points noted:
*You can't rupture something that you don't have
*If there is no investment, it's easy to move on
*If you can walk away without any stress, then there was never a relationship
*When you invest, when the relationship is meaningful, you will work to make it right

So I've evaluated some things during the past few months. I've been on an intense journey of stillness with God. I've learned about God, about self, and others. I'm working on self, as well as my relationship with God and others. It's amazing when you place yourself in a position that forces you to evaluate the current path or course that you're on. Man oh man have I had to re-evaluate some relationships.

I didn't realize that I was keeping some folks close to me, that I should have been letting go of. And so I've thought on these things for the last few months...And while on this journey, I've seen some relationships build, others go stronger, and some fall off. I'm okay with that. I've come to the conclusion that I don't have control over every aspect in my life. I've learned that there are battles not even worth fighting and that ultimately, GOD is in control.

I'm going to repair some ruptured relationships...



So.......

Current Struggle #1:
I am on a rocky course at work. After 2 years of busting my butt to get into the lead position for my team, in a matter of days, it is all being taken away from me. Why you ask? Some say I'm too young to be in the position. Some say I don't have enough education. Some might even say that I don't have the necessary experience. What they have forgotten to say, is how much the team has improved since I've been the acting Lead/Manager for my team. They have forgotten to acknowledge the improvements made, the strong supporting team, and the praise I receive from vendors. And yes, they may have forgotten how over the past 1.5 years, we have gone through SIX temps, but I've been the only one to survive and continue to grow in this position. None of that matters...None of that means anything to them. Instead I am dealing with people that have decided to help someone else who doesn't have the necessary experience. I'm being overlooked and now I may be working for someone that knows NOTHING about my position. But I guess since they have a certain piece of paper from a University, a couple of years of experience in management, and our friends with the right people, that it somehow qualifies them to take over my position.

So what do I do?--I have really had to learn the power and strength behind resting in God's will. I know that there is a reason that I'm going through this storm. I know that there is a reason that I'm fighting to stay alive right now. I have every intention to continue to rest in God's will.

How do I do it?--Through prayer, through hope, through forgiveness. It isn't a coincidence that we are learning about forgiveness in church right now. I have taken on a whole new understanding of the verse: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." Sometimes I wonder if people really think about some of the actions that they take.

Current Struggle #2--I had a weak moment. I broke a promise that I made to myself and to God. I didn't use my better judgement and now my mind is at a crossroad.

Biggest lesson learned: If the spirit says no...Say no. I also had to forgive myself. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory God.

Now what? I forgive myself, I love myself, and I ask God for forgiveness. From there, I work to get back in line with God's will. It was my decision and now I must endure the consequences.

After you've done all you can, you just stand!



And that's what I'm going to do...I'm going to stand on the promises of God. Stand in faith that he will see me through these storms...

With all of that said...my mind, body, and soul is tired...I'll be back with more later on...

As always, I'm here with a listening ear if you need me...

Peace and Blessings!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.