Monday, January 11, 2016

A message to my future husband....(Part II)

Can we just lay with each other. 

I want to spend our nights, head to toe, on the couch. 

I want to look in to your eyes, as we lay and let time fly. 

Listen to old school R&B and sing along to the melody. 

And as you gently massage my feet and my mind relaxes, I'll smile. 

And when morning comes, I'll put on a pot of coffee. I'll turn the kettle on for some tea. 

We can sit and watch ESPN. 

Answer emails and chat. 

I'll look up from my computer and watch you as you work, thinking to myself, "I'm the luckiest girl in the world"

And I'll listen to your stomach growl and laugh cause I know you're waiting on me. 

So we will make breakfast together. 

I'll tackle the potatoes, you handle the bacon. 

The biscuits will brown, the orange juice will be poured. 

And we will sit and eat and share, together. 

I'll turn on the radio to 96.3, take you by the hand and slow dance. 

And as we glide across the floor, each footstep will be a reminder of every step I want to take with YOU on this journey of love. 

And as the sun shines through the window and hits your face, I'll smile as I think to myself "He's mine". 

And I'm yours. 

I'm completely yours. 

And US becomes this magical word that inspires me to want to grow, to build, and  to love with you. 

And I will love you. 

With everything in me, I will love you. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

.: Weekend Wrap-Up :.

Well...What a weekend I had. I was so tied up with activities that I didn't get a chance to check in. I must say...This weekend was great!!! Full of laughter, smiles, family, and friends. It was labor day weekend, but there was NO labor in my weekend lol. As folks are now finding out about my departure, things have been crazy. My calendar is so full for these last days that I'm not sure I'm going to get in the time I need to say farewell to everyone.

Everyone keeps asking me, "Are you ready?" "Are you scared?" My answers, Yes and No. I admitted to a friend last night that I'm SO ready for the change, but I delayed telling folks about the move for so long because I am not sure of how ready I am to leave everyone and everything I know, behind. I am so excited for the change but it's going to be a major adjustment. So yes, there is excitement, no real fear, just the desire to pick up everyone, put them in my suitcase and go with me. I guess that defeats the purpose though right?

Anywho, so how did my weekend go...
Friday night: After a difficult day with a disappointing and heart wrenching discussion with someone, my mood was not quite right. I had no intentions of going out, but I got the call to come hang out with a couple of friends. No club needed...we made our own fun, with our own music, and had a GREAT time. We had our own photo-shoot, told jokes, and laughed all night...A great way to spend a Friday night. It's the simple things that make permanent memories with me. I've never lived an overly extravagant life. It's the little things...So s/o to these folks for making my Friday night memorable and giving me memories to last a lifetime.

I spent Saturday doing a whole lot of NOTHING...and it was EXCELLENT. I knew I had to minister on Sunday. So when that happens, I used Saturday to rest my spirit, and my mind. Peace and quiet for me just does something for me. Sunday was spent giving God the honor and praise he was due. It was followed by a wonderful lunch with the Praise & Worship Ministry and Davids Dancers. Most of you know that those two ministries have been a HUGE part of my life over the last 8 years. I'm so grateful for everything that they have poured in to me over the years...Thank you for the beautiful Floral arrangement.

Most people will never care to admit how much they enjoy spending time with their parents...I'm not one of those cases. I spent Sunday and Monday with mine. We took a quick trip away just for some relaxation. I realized I might not get another chance to do so before leaving so I jumped at the opportunity. We listened to old school on the way up...I smiled as I listened to my Dad sing an octave lower, and as my mom added Gospel rifts and harmonies to every song that came on. I enjoyed every minute I got to spend with them. I love my parents!!

Well...What else can I say...I love my family, and I love my friends...I can't wait to make more memories...

Until next time

Always [Love] Forever,

:: LA ::

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

..: Moving Forward :..

I can't believe it's been over a year since my last post. I'm still trying to remember why I gave it up so easily...I love blogging.

Well, as I was conversing with a friend some time ago, I was talking about my current focus, goals, dreams, and aspirations and such, and he said..."Why don't you blog about your next move" which ironically, is a move. Yep, you read right. I'm moving!! Where you ask? Charlotte, NC. 6 hours away from the place I call home. Soooo, I decided, let me document my last month here in the DMV, and continue my blog while I make moves through my next journey.

I know some of you are thinking to yourself, "Leslie, moving? Yeah right" There are some that have no faith in me making this move. They don't believe that I'm actually going to go through with it. I'm okay with that too. If I let what everyone else thought, keep me from doing things, I'd be nowhere right now. I'm thankful though that I have supportive friends. The Lord blessed me with one who just this morning sent me a message saying "I'm happy for you..." Those words meant so much.

So what's my set date for departure: September 27th.

I can't believe how fast time has flown by in the last few months. Seems like all the time I thought I had, no longer exists. Time I thought I had to be with friends and family...Time I thought I had to better prepare...Little did I know, God has been preparing me for this moment for some time now. I chose to ignore the signs. I thought I had everything in my control. Tuh! Was I wrong. I've been losing friendships and relationships...I've become this weird homebody and have really slowed down my pace of life. The busy bee I once was, no longer exists. Was he preparing me for a slower pace down in a southern state?

I know that many of you wonder how I ever came to this decision. For those that remember, in May of 2012, I left my Full Time job and spent the last year supporting and helping my mother through her last year of teaching before retiring. I went from the corporate world to, snotty noses, tears, and germs. I went from Company Sponsored Lunches at restaurants, to bag lunches, field trips, and recess. I loved every moment of it. To be able to be there to support my mom in her last year of teaching was rewarding. I found myself exercising skills I had put behind me long ago. I went from being paid every 2 weeks, to living on faith. I learned so much from that. I didn't know when and how God was going to make a way, but he did it...EVERY time. I went from being able to do the things I wanted to do, when I wanted to do them, to doing what I needed to do, to get what I needed done, done. What a change! What a rewarding change!!!! In this time, God began to show me things. He showed what he needed and required of me.

I've spent a large part of my life supporting and helping to build others up. For a long time, I didn't know what the word "No" meant. Finally, God said it's my time. This move is an act of faith and obedience. I have spent my entire life living, and growing, here in the DMV. God said it's now time for me to spread these wings and fly. I've learned so much here, I've grown so much here. I have met amazing people and developed some beautiful friendships and relationships, but for the last few months, I've been asking God "What's next? How can I go higher in you?" Be careful what you ask for lol Now here I am...30, single, no kids, packing for a move to another state. I'm going from the place where most of my family and friends live and support me, to a place where I know 5 people.

So why Charlotte? Wellll I have some opportunities in music out in Atlanta, but I didn't want to live there. So I prayed, and God said to me "Why not Charlotte?" So I sat and I thought and began to move forward with the idea. Little did I know, God was already preparing a place for me. He planted the seed years before. 1 of the 5 people I know in Charlotte, my Sister-Cousin Elayna.

She's been my support through some tough times.

So we talked and God used her to help talk me through this major life decision. That's how God works. He started something many moons ago before either of us even knew it.

So that's how my life is working now. I let God work and I do the things he asks of me. The rewards for obedience, are far greater than any worldly possession that man could ever give me.

So no, I'm not working full time right now...I don't have a job lined up in Charlotte...I don't know how I'm even going to get to Charlotte...I don't have money flowing from any major source...but I'm being obedient and God has proven over this last year and throughout my life time that with faith, all things are possible. "...I've never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread" (Psalm 37:25)

So pray for me during this journey. Like I stated before, I will be blogging throughout. Thank you all for your support during this time...

I'm moving forward

Until next time...
Peace, Love, and God's Blessings

:: LA ::

Monday, June 25, 2012

Dear God

Let's chat...

I'm in one of the craziest places I've ever been in my life. Someone walked up to me at church the other week and said "Leslie, I'm praying for you. You've had a lot of death in your life recently." I tried not to focus on the words that she spoke. Within the next weeks of this conversation I lost a dear friend, a Great Uncle, a church member, Another Uncle, a former teacher and friend of the family lost her husband, and my sister in law lost her godmother. This is all within 3 weeks. Some would say that it's too much. All of this on top of life's everyday struggles but your grace is truly amazing.

It's 1:21 a.m. and as I sit here listening to the song "Amazing Grace" I think about the many places you've brought me from. I think about the journey that I'm even on now. I've been questioning your plan for me. I've been wondering why you took me out of one place to be in this place I am in now. I sit...confused wondering if you have forgotten me. Wondering if you have left me. Wondering why I feel like I'm in this battle alone. I can't seem to understand why you keep taking people away from me and from the people I love. I've been praying and asking you for answers...wondering if you've already given them to me and I've somehow missed them. Have my eyes been closed? Have I been so focused on other things that I've missed out on what you have for me?

So I grabbed a book that a dear friend gave to me for Christmas. I've never opened it because I was too afraid to know the things you were asking of me. I heard you tell me that with Death comes life...that although I am losing some in this earthly life, that you are making new life in some of your children. You've been telling me that though this world is dying, that you need me, and others that you have called to continue to bring new life in to you kingdom. So as I opened the book and turned to the lesson for June 26th I read these words: "My child, you know how much I love you. And I'm so glad you love me in return! But sometimes, when you are loved and content, it's easy to become complacement. I do want you to rest in me, but I also want your help in making my love known to others. When my son walked te eather, he saw so many people in need of my love. He observed their confusion, their helplessness, their aimless wandering-like sheep without a shepherd- and he responded with active compassion. Do you see them too? You have the peace, the security that comes from knowing me. Won't you share that with someone whose life needs my healing touch? The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Will you be one of my workers?"

As tears poured down my face, I had to ask myself "Leslie have you been selfish all this time? Only thinking of what God has for you?" I had to remind myself, this journey isn't just for me, but for those that you need me to reach. I have purpose...there's a reason behind everything that I've been through, and going through.

So I'm making a choice. God I'm working for YOU and only You. There will be some who may not understand it, but that's alright because I know you didn't bring me this far to leave me so I'll continue to trust you. I'm yours

With all my heart,

:: Elle-Aye::

Thursday, May 3, 2012

.: I need help :. [Part I]

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." Rita Mae Brown

I guess I'm that 1 out of the 4? When did that happen?

[Thinking Back]

It was the winter of 2005. Night was my day. My eyes did weep, long nights, little sleep. Blankets over the window, darkness at all times. Restless...Alone...Abandoned. Whenever my eyes closed I had visions, dreams, memories of that night. Why did he? How could he? Why would he? This was my reality for many months.

Some believe that the only people with mental illness are those who are institutionalized. You know, those with schizophrenia, bipolar know, the ones folks call flat out crazy. Did you know that there are at least 6 different classifications of Mental Illness. There are Personality Disorders, Impulse Control and Addiction Disorders, Eating Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, Psychotic Disorders, and Mood Disorders. The latter was my issue, mood disorder. For a long time I suffered from depression.

These disorders, also called affective disorders, involve persistent feelings of sadness or periods of feeling overly happy, or fluctuations from extreme happiness to extreme sadness. The most common mood disorders are depression, mania, and bipolar disorder.

Imagine attending a party with these prominent guests: Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Robert Schumann, Ludwig von Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Mark Twain, Vincent van Gogh, and Georgia O’Keefe. Maybe Schumann and Beethoven are at the dinner table intently discussing the crescendos in their most recent scores, while Twain sits on a couch telling Poe about the plot of his latest novel. O’Keefe and Van Gogh may be talking about their art, while Roosevelt and Lincoln discuss political endeavors. But in fact, these historical figures also had a much more personal common experience: Each of them battled the debilitating illness of depression.

How often have we said, "I feel depressed."?

Let us remember that occasional sadness that everyone feels, that sadness that is often caused by life's dissapointments, is totally different from the brain disorder. In actuality, depression impairs the ability of someone to function in everyday situations. It affects the thoughts, moods, physical well-being, and behaviors. Some may feel it is a feeling of "worthlesness" You feel like you are disconnected from life, and the people in your life. For me, I didn't want to get out of bed. I slept during the day, and would lay awake at night. I didn't want to see anybody, and didn't want anybody to see me. I spent many days, trying to sleep my problems away, and every day I woke up with the same problems and issues. It became a viscous cycle.

Depression strikes about 17 million American adults each year–more than cancer, AIDS, or coronary heart disease–according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). An estimated 15 percent of chronic depression cases end in suicide. Women are twice as likely as men to be affected. Many people simply don’t know what depression is. “A lot of people still believe that depression is a character flaw or caused by bad parenting,” says Mary Rappaport, a spokeswoman for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. She explains that depression cannot be overcome by willpower, but requires medical attention.

Ignorant to the realities of mental illnes, many say, "there's nothing wrong me, I'm just having a bad day." "There's nothing wrong with me, I've just got problems." And how many times have we uttered the words "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired" [Fannie Lou Hammer] Why do we hide our feelings? We hide our pain and sadness. We hide it from the medical professionals who can help us. So this illness goes goes goes mistreated.

End Results: Suicide...Violence

When will we lose the fear, and address the pain? I got help...when will you?

To be continued...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

.: The Whole Truth :.

This post was sent to me via email but I felt the need to share with others...Racism in this century is still very present in our society....Sad but true.

The whole truth...

Mildred Jeter and Richard Loving entered holy matrimony in June of 1958, an event that was not unusual as better than 70 percent of Americans at the time married---a far cry from the fewer than 30 percent who do so today. What was unusual about their marriage was that it occurred in Virginia, whose state capitol, Richmond, once served as the capitol of the Confederacy and whose state law, specifically Section 20-59 of the Racial Integrity Act of 1924, held in pertinent part that “If any white person intermarry with a colored person, or any colored person intermarry with a white person, he shall be guilty of a felony and shall be punished by confinement in the penitentiary for not less than one nor more than five years.”

Virginia’s 1924 Act was not the first anti-miscegenation act or measure to forbid interracial marriage, as some form of the same existed in many colonies as far back at the 17th Century. The Lovings, cognizant of Virginia’s law, recited their nuptials in Washington, DC but upon returning home to Caroline County, Virginia, they were indicted under the Racial Integrity Act and later convicted and sentenced to one year in prison under the same. The Lovings’ sentence was suspended, however, when they entered a deal to leave Virginia and not return for 25 years. To comply with the deal, the couple moved to Washington DC.

Dissatisfied with their treatment under the law, the Lovings, with the assistance of the American Civil Liberties Union, soon appealed the court’s decision, thus beginning a legal odyssey that eventually ended with the United States Supreme Court’s “Loving vs. Virginia” decision of 1967. During oral argument before the Supreme Court in October of 1967, counsel for the Lovings argued that Virginia’s Racial Integrity Act violated the Fourteenth Amendment’s Equal Protection and Due Process clauses. Counsel for the Commonwelath of Virginia argued that the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution reserved the right to regulate marriage exclusively to the individual states and that since the law punished whites and blacks equally, that the same did not violate the equal protection clause.

Chief Justice Earl Warren, writing for the majority ruling that struck down Virginia’s anti-miscegenation law reasoned that “at the very least, the Equal Protection Clause demands that racial classifications, especially suspect in criminal statutes, be subjected to ‘the most rigid scrutiny’…There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the Equal Protection Clause.” While the Supreme Court’s landmark decision eliminated one of the last vestiges of Jim Crow, many states were slow to implement its dicta with the last, Alabama, finally eliminating its anti-miscegenation law in the year 2000.

As for the Lovings, Richard died in a horrific car accident that blinded his wife, Mildred, in 1975.

Monday, November 28, 2011

.: Still Trusting :.

Wow, what a journey this year has been...

A year ago, I found myself struggling with a lot of things.

*Trust*--in God, in myself, in family, in men.
*Sex*--I fell short of my commitment to abstain
*Love*--of myself and who I've become, to others, from others
*Commitment*--to God, to my calling, relationships

A lot of the issues I never shared with anyone. I just went on as though there were no real issues. I actually believed that a lot of the issues would just disappear and I would not have to make any changes within my life or within myself in order for things to go right. Foolish Mortal

It took a while but there were number of nights that I cried, and prayed...Nights that I had to be alone with just me and God. During this time, I watched as relationships crumbled...and others grew strong...I watched as things within me transformed...My spiritual life transformed...

I realized that in order to get where I needed to be, that I had to take a lot of necessary steps and let God lead me. These are all things I already knew, but I wasn't actively practicing.

back in early 06, I made a commitment to abstain from sex until I was in a committed relationship. During that time I dated a few men, but because they couldn't get down with my choice to remain abstinent, they had to float on...In October 09 I slipped made a mistake, but I quickly learned from it and changed my vow from abstinence to celibacy...

Many even now don't understand why I made the decision that I did. I hear so many comments "You'll never find a man that will wait" "You're crazy" "Do you really think a man will be faithful" And that's fine because one thing I will never do is compromise my morals and values for the sake of a man, or society...So I'm sticking to my guns!

With that said, I know that it means, I will be in my single season right now...and that's fine...But don't get me wrong, this is not a lifestyle for everyone, and I would never force my view points on anyone..This is the life I've chosen...You choose yours and live yours...

I'm gonna keep the faith that God is preparing someone just for me...that not only understands my life choices but also respects it more importantly. So I will continue to wait patiently for my day...