Thursday, May 28, 2009

Am I too old?

Am I too old to have a schoolgirl crush? There's a guy that I know and have been randomly seeing at the same places as me for the last couple of months or so. He's a friend of a friend and something about him just gets me all giddy like a little schoolgirl.

At the young tender age of 26 (OMG I'm getting old), am I too old to have a crush? Lol He's an attractive guy, nice sweet personality, loves to laugh :-), I still have a lot to learn about him, but he seems really genuine.

Am I too old for this type of foolishness?

Lol

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bitter


Man, some R&B singers need to make a comeback!!! Chante Moore needs to get it together, and right some more hits!! Lol...Well I was listening to some of her music this morning and her song "Bitter" came on...Here are the lyrics:
I'm just gonna speak from my heart
This song ain't about every man
But sometimes when you have had your heart broken
And there's pain
You gotta let it out exactly how you feeling it
I realize right now i'm just bitter

I remember the times we shared and i
Remember the long phone calls at night
You used to say the sweetest things
But today my phone rings and i wish
That you would just stop talking
I just can't take this anymore
You broke my heart and i know for sure
You're the man i thought you was
Compromised myself enough
Now it's times to stop living this lie now

Don't follow me home nigga
Stop ringing my phone nigga
Just leave me alone nigga
I wish you well but
Right now i'm just bitter

Why did you come into my life
You didn't plan to do me right
If you didn't mean forever more
Why'd you get with me for?
No free milk that's not yours anymore, no, no

Don't follow me home nigga
Stop ringing my phone nigga
Just leave me alone nigga
I wish you well but
Right now i'm just bitter

Don't follow me home nigga
Stop ringing my phone nigga
Just leave me alone nigga
I wish you well but
Right now i'm just bitter

You make me sick nigga
I ain't your dog nigga
You made me write this song nigga
I wish you well but
I'm gonna find another nigga

*laughs


Now I don't know about any of you, but I've felt this way once or twice before...

Dealt with a dude that wined and dined me and then left me for his EX...Lol Punkass!! Am I bitter, HELL YES!!! I thought/He thought/Mom thought/Friends thought we had something special...Obviously not special enough...End Result: His ass is single now!!! Am I bitter still, yes...but I'm dealing with this bitterness one day at a time. I just hate when Ninjas act up...Ninjas will be Ninjas though...

Moving On!!!!

BTW, I thought the photo was funny, but I don't believe in VooDoo Dolls lol

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Va Va Vooooooommmm (How far is too far? [compliments of Aja])


How far is too far?

Over the past few years of my life, I have really asked myself this question.

This morning as I was leaving for work, one of the managers at the complex said the following statement to me: "Why are you looking all mean this morning, with your sexy self?" [I threw up in my mouth] I waved my hand and said "Don't talk to me" and I sped off. This man when I first came to the complex, was extra flirtatious (My roommate is a witness) but much to my surprise as well as my Roomie's, this man is married, with children!!!! How could I have known? He wore no ring...He engaged in conversations with me about coming over, and having dinner and such...Inappropriate!! So I ask, how far is too far?

Then lets speak on an older Gentlemen 40+ years old...Approached me while at a Happy Hour. We will refer to him as "Uncle Daddy". Why? Because he was old enough to be my daddy, literally (He has a daughter my age), and because he resembles my Uncle Duck. [Scary!]Well he asked to take me to dinner, buy me a drink, etc. So I carried on this little charade with him...We sat down and conversed and I asked him "So tell me about your wife?" He was like "Huh?" I said "Oh, so you thought I didn't notice that massive wedding ring on your left hand? I'm not stupid" his reply "Oh, well we've been married for 11 years and we have an open relationship. She goes and does what she wants, and I do what I want, no questions asked" Unacceptable!!!! I will not be going to hell over him...He was good peoples but I made the boundaries clear. So, again I ask, how far is too far?


Then we have a young guy in the Military...He approaches me in a dark night club down in Norfolk. We dance, ok great, my girl points out the wedding band on his finger...So I say fine, you want to play games, let me see how far you think this will go. He calls me and asks me out and I proceed to tell him off. Why does this happen, because his WIFE decides to call me. Now I know I had no business giving that fool my number, but I wanted to teach him a lesson. So when he finally called I ask him about this marriage. Stunned by my question he asks me how I knew about his wife. I said fool, you had on a wedding band #1, and #2, she called me. I then tell him all about himself and that he probably married her because he would make more money. So I said sir, do you have any children? I know you get money for that too...He says yes, a son. Do I look like I was born yesterday? He even asked me to be his side chick...What in the world? Hell no!!!!!! So I fussed and cussed some more and said "Good Day". Never heard from that Ninja again, but he tried to approach me again a few weeks later in the club. NO sir, no sir...Back Up!!!!! So, once more, how far is too far?

What happened to committment? What happened to the sacredness in marriage and vows? These are only 3 examples of some of the foolywang I've dealt with...I've got more stories for another day. This is why women are so afraid to trust...If these men are willing to act inappropriately in a marriage, what were you doing while you were just "dating" * Sigh *

UGH!!!!

SO I ask, HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Self Evaluation Part III


So I've been thinking on some things over the past few days. I've been contemplating the place that I am in, where I'm headed, etc. I've looked at my life and the things that I put so much time into and those that I don't put enough time into. I've evaluated my social/personal life, my work life, etc. I can honestly say that I'm not happy right now. There are things that make me happy, but I don't really have self-fulfillment at the moment. There are so many things that I want to do, but I don't have the necessary resources to get things done. The dating scene has been a bust. My job is stressing me out...My happiness comes and goes...My life has become a routine...I need to add some spice to my life. Hopefully with summer rolling around, I will have more to add to my scrapbook of life.

I was laughing to myself yesterday while watching "Superbad"...When the cops were talking about how you won't meet your wife in the bar, but instead at like Farmers Markets, Flea Markets, etc. lol I thought to myself, hmmm I like those type of things but I'm probably one of the few young African-American women that likes that kind of stuff. I used to go to those type of things with my mother...How come when I mention this type of stuff to some people, all of a sudden I'm so "white"? Why can't we enjoy these types of things? How come we aren't open enough to embrace other things?

I've been thinking about how I'm tired of the "club scene" and want to do different things with my time. Things like actually enjoying the day/weather...going on a picnic, bike riding, fishing, going dancing, listening to jazz on a rooftop with the summer air hitting my face...those are things I want to do. I have yet to find someone else with those type of interests and that includes friends as well as possible love interests.

What happened to everyone? What happened to spontaneity, freedom...
Am I the only one that feels this way?...

* sigh * I'm done for now

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Title vs. No Title

By putting a title on a relationship guarantee committment? If there is no title, but all points lead to a relationship, does that mean that you DON'T have to committ?

I was speaking to a couple of friends about this subject this week. If a guy and a girl, go out on dates, hold hands, talk all day, kiss, hug, are open and honest, etc. etc. basically in a relationship without a "title" does that mean that there should not be some level of committment from one another? By not adding a title to a relationship, does that give you the go to do whatever or whomever you wish because technically you're not in a relationship?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Luvsik


I lie awake now
Dreaming about you
The scent of you still invades my senses
The feel of you still haunts my sould
And I miss rolling over into you

I miss your embrace
I miss the taste of your smile
I miss the way you used to look at me
Eyes shinin' all bright
They were the windows to your soul
And I loved the way you made me feel

You made me feel strong
You loved me in ways I couldn't imagine
You made me better
You became my strength , my hope, my joy
You filled me with a love that most only dream of

But when you left, my heart lost it's rhythm
It lost its beat

The butterflies that once flutter within became wingless
The smile that used to be permanent, suddenly lost it's adherance
I became empty
Lifeless

But somehow in all of this, I still threw up your name
Luvsik
Captivated
Lost in the idea of lovin' you
Captured
A victim of your love venom
Scarred
Wounded
Raw

And I couldn't walk anywhere without seeing your face
Couldn't speak without uttering your name
What was once just a dream, had suddenly become a harsh reality
You were gone
You're still gone

And now...
my life just isn't the same

Monday, May 4, 2009

Monday's Makeover (Self-Eval Part II)

So after a positive and empowering weekend, I'm glad/thankful/blessed to be the living the life that I live...

God has brought me from a mighty long way. Even though I may not be where I want to be, I know that I'm where God needs me to be...I thank him for every opportunity/gift/blessing/trial/tribulation/triumph. Yesterday was an awesome time at church and reminded me that I must continue to BE a praiser and worshipper and singer and dancer and not just a participant in the activities.

My eyes are opening...

Friday, May 1, 2009

Pretty Women vs. Playoff Games



So last night, myself, and a few female friends headed out to 'The Park' for a social mixer/happy hour. We walk in and immediately notice the large number of men that had decided to come out for the evening. Excited by this discovery, my girls and I grabbed our glasses and posted up by the bar while waiting for our table. We watched as each man stared, smiled, and kept on walking. There was the recurring theme of "watch from a distance, never approach". We just laughed and blew it off because we said surely this can't be real.

Looking back, I realized that every male that we talked to, were men that we already knew. Some were polite enough and introduced themselves to the rest of the group. Others decided to only speak to the ones they knew and to keep it moving [Rude!]

From there, we headed upstairs to the "VIP Area" surely these men would be better, because they don't just let anyone upstairs...I was wrong...it was the same scenario. Men were engrossed in their own conversations and showed females no love.

While posted up at the bar, a man began to walk up to us. Finally! A man that has the guts to say something. So we prepare ourselves for the upcoming, exhilerating conversation and he says something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but you're blocking the tv" Say what?!?!?!?! Did this Ninja just ask us to step to the side so he could see the TV? Yes, yes he did!!!! The playoff game was on...but who cares! You are at a Club, not a Sports Bar...This is a Happy Hour, not the Championship Game...How in the heezy can you stand here and ask that question?! So we stepped to the side and he proceeded to bust through our group so that he could get closer to the TV... Foolishness!! Foolishness I tell you!!!!

As we were leaving...we spoke to some of the bouncers for 'The Park' and asked them what the deal was...They were from NY and married [but weren't wearing wedding bands, hmmm] They were surprised but not surprised by our discovery. According to them, "DC is a Down-Low City so what you found is not surprising" And that was supposed to be encouraging? How? Why?

I then thought to myself, well sir, how do I not know that you're lying about your marriage...I mean, you did move to DC, is this a land of opportunity for you to find a mate? How do I know that you're not gay since you said the majority of men here are? Hmmmmmm but I digress....

Anyway, so the most fun I had for the night, was watching the women throw themselves at men, just to be blown off lol...Amazing!!!

Lesson of the Day: Ninjas will be Ninjas...Don't block the tv while a man is trying to watch the game...

Highlight of the Night: Being called beautiful by two men in the park...

Good Day!

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