Tuesday, December 8, 2009

.: The Gift of LoVe :. [Reflections] Tis' the season




Sunday afternoon: After a long Sunday full of singing and giving praise and honor to God I was exhausted. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before because I was wired at 12:00 a.m. after taking a mini-nap around 7:00 p.m. that evening. I looked over to my mom and asked "Mom, did we consider the fact that we had to sing 2 services before going out caroling this evening?" Mom replies: "I did, I don't know about you" Did Mom just play me?

You see, every year our Sunday School department goes Christmas caroling around to a few of the nursing homes in the area. Back in the day, my mom would drag us out there. I didn't have a strong appreciation for it then, but boy has my perception changed.

We were to meet at 2:30 on the church parking lot. I hadn't eaten all day so I was already in a mood. So my Auntie Elaine offered up some cash to take me to get something to eat so that I can get through the trip, well as long as I picked her up something to eat as well. So off I went to McDonald's. As I returned to the church, I watched who was getting out of their cars to get on the bus and participate in the activity. As more and more people came, Mom and I were relieved and jokingly said, "well they have plenty of people, they don't need us." Then as we kept looking, we realized that these were people that were willing to participate, but were not people that typically sing and openly admitted that they can not carry a tune, but with the right spirit, you'd be amazed at what you can do!

We had three stops to make, 3 nursing homes to spread holiday cheer to. We had dozens upon dozens of people to meet, greet, and sing to. So we embarked on our journey promptly at 2:30. I told my mom, we won't be done until 5:30 p.m. she laughed and said, nooo we'll be done by 4 I laughed as I pulled out of the parking lot, shaking my head at my mother who really believed what she said. So we headed out. 1 Church van, 3 SUV's, and 2 cars...As soon as we pulled out, we found ourselves separated by lights. This was going to be a long day. Finally, after 20 min of driving around in circles behind the church van, we arrive at The Washington House.

We walk in and they hand us a song book and they turn to me and my mother waiting for their next direction. I'm sorry, when did we become in charge of this? What in the world?! Lol moving on...There was a crowd of elders in the lobby awaiting our arrival. We started off with Joy to the World. We also brought small gifts to hand out to the elders. We handed out socks, hats, and gloves. The look on their faces were priceless. They were filled with such joy and excitement and appreciation. This was the greeting and reaction received throughout the course of the afternoon. We walked the halls caroling. There were some that were able to come to the door and they would sing along with us. There were some that were unable to move but would send a wave or a huge smile our way as a thank you.

Each nursing home gave me a different memory to take home:

The Washington House-- There was a lady that got off the elevator in her wheel chair. The nurse just rolled her out into a crowd of Ninjas singing. The dialogue went as follows:

Nurse: Do you know where you are?
Lady: Yeah, I think so. [The lady was looking down and didn't realize what she had just been rolled into]
The lady looks up, and then she yells
Lady: Wait, where am I? Where's my room?
Nurse: Would you like me to take you to your room?
Lady: Yes, please!

Apparently she had not seen that many black folk at one time...I guess she was caught off guard. Lol

Envoy--There were 2 Shiloh members that lived there. This place had me in tears, literally!

As we entered the Dining Hall, there was Sister Dorothy Scott in tears! I couldn't finish the song! This was one of the elders of our church. She taught me Sunday School when I was 2 years old. She would always tell me stories about it. So when she saw so many familiar faces, she was filled with emotion and so was I. The other people that were in the dining hall were also excited about the visit as well. They were singing and laughing. There was even a man that told one lady in our group that he wanted her for Christmas. Lol Man, gotta love a sense of humor :)

There was also another lady at Envoy that had me in stitches lol. When we gave her the gift, she asked "Is this a prize? Does this mean that I'm going to heaven?" So touching and she was so serious.


Woodbine
-- There was also another Shiloh member staying there. She was smiling and laughing and seemed really happy to see us. She remembered who I was. She hadn't seen me since I was really young. I remember Ms. Ernestine when she was a member of the Sanctuary Choir. Most of you new Shiloh members weren't around for that choir.

The funniest thing though, had to be when we handed the socks to one lady and her reply was "What kind of S*** is this?"--Lol HILARIOUS!


All in all, it was a good trip. It was a great chance for me to spend some time with moms as well as an opportunity for me to reflect on my own life and to be grateful for what I have. Love, support, and family.

This trip taught me the true meaning of this season. It's not just about the Christmas trees, the presents, the lights. Instead, it's about the gift of life, and love. It's about the birth of our savior and how we are to love others as Christ loves us.

At the end of the day, as the clock struck 5:30 p.m. [I told my mom that's what time we'd be done!] and as I stood there with hurt feet from walking in 3.5 in. heels around the nursing homes, as I thought about getting lost, or how hungry I was, it all went away. None of that mattered anymore...What mattered were the smiles across everyone's faces. The laughter, the singing, the dancing. That's all that mattered.

So I challenge you this season not to get caught up in the hype of Christmas but to instead remember the real reason for the season.

Give the gift of Christ and love to someone this season, all season.



Give the gift of Eternal life...You never know whose life you can touch!

I love you all...

Have a blessed Holiday Season and Enjoy your week!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Oh, and for the next week I can NOT hear the following songs: Silent Night, Joy to the World, O Come All Ye Faithful, Deck the Halls, We Wish You A Merry Christmas, or Jingle Bells...I'm all jingled and all caroled out!

Love y'all!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

.: Ninja Chronicles (Part IV) :. [Oh No He Didn't!!!!]




So where do I begin...What was supposed to end a month ago, continues into today. I said I was going to let go, instead, I find myself still giving him a chance when will I learn?

I think I have...

It was a cold winter night. Everyone was out and about enjoying themselves, I found myself alone and in "want" of some company.

10:45 pm: [Me] Sir, are you coming over forreal? (In a conversation earlier, he expressed interest, as well as I, about seeing each other since we were off the next day)

12:06 am: [Sir] Was traffic bad out? (Holiday or not sir why are you asking me about traffic? Just get in the car and come over if you're coming)

12:20 am: [Sir] Okay, I'm headed your way

2:00 am: Still no sir...So I place a call to his phone. * ring * * ring * * ring * * ring * * ring * * ring * --Voicemail picks up-- I hang up and turn over and go back to sleep...No this Ninja did not play me!!!

2:55 am: [Sir] U sleep?

2:56 am: [Me] Yes. U just woke me out of some good sleep (I was mid-drool when I was awaken by the text)

He still tries to continue the convo via text.

3:00 am: [Me] I'm going back to bed


3:01 am: [Sir] Go back to sleep (you're daggone right I'm going back to sleep champ! who do you think you are?)

3:02 am: [Me] Where are you anyway? You said you were coming 3 hours ago

3:03 am: [Sir] You got your pj's on (Say huh? Say what? Did he really ask me that. At this point I proceed to cut my phone on silent and roll back over and go to sleep.

10:12 am: [Me] For the record, you're fired and on my bad list. That is all. Have a good day

So last night I made it clear to him that he and I seem to have an issue with communication. Wait no, I take that back, I let him know that he had an issue with communication and that it wasn't going to work out. I also informed him how his late night calls and text really rubbed me the wrong way and that I do not appreciate getting stood up and it is not something I forget easily. He gives me the mumbo jumbo about how he is so sorry and that he wants to make it up to me...why would I want you back? 9 times out of 10, you were with some other chick. So he tried to bring up the fact that he goes out of his way to come and see me and what not, and how he jumps out of his bed at a moments notice to come over. Really? Like you did the other night. Ha!!!!! I don't have time for Ninjas and will not stand for you or your Ninjaism. I don't know who he thought he was dealing with, but V is not the one!

Sad thing is, I really liked him, and according to him, he really liked me too! But this is not the first time that he's been a jerk-face and I can not stand for it anymore!!!!!

I MUST say NO to NINJAS! I WILL say NO to NINJAS!

No Ninjas!
No Ninjas!
No Ninjas!
No Ninjas!

Okay...I'm done done done, I'm bout' to be on to another one! Thanks Chrisette Michele..."Another One" is my new anthem.

SN: I miss the Ninja, but i'm slowly but surely flushing him out of my system



Well...On that note, * Potty break * and then bedtime
That's enough from me for the day...2 posts in one week, man oh man...

This segment of Ninja Chronicles was brough to you on behalf of the PUT A NINJA OUT FOUNDATION (Founding Members-Kelis, Tiger Wood's boo, and Rhianna to name a few) Please email them at ohnohedidnt@gmail.com for information on membership dues. Guaranteed Membership if you ever hit that Ninja or left him with any scars, bruises, abrasions, etc...(Okay, Tiger's situation is not a laughing matter. Abuse=Not Funny)

Like you, I'm only human...I make mistakes too!!! #Dontjudgeme (wow too much twitter in my life)

As always, I'm hear with a listening ear...

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

.: Life-Changing :.



Man, what an emotional yet fulfilling weekend. A weekend full of laughs, and tears, happiness and sadness, comfort and fear...I probably felt every emotion possible this weekend. I had a ton of moments for growth. I learned so much about self and realized that I'm in a new season...


Saturday night I broke down. I went from baking cupcakes to crying in a dark room in my friend's house...What in the world?!? I wonder if I'm going through the change early? No, really...There have been so many times that I've just emotionally broken down out of nowhere. No warning, no signs of when it will come or end. Saturday was one of those days.

I hadn't been feeling 100% all day, but I knew that I had to be there for my friends. They needed me...So I put self behind, and put others in front. I think that's where I went wrong. I told a friend of mine that I think I'm going to start being a bad friend. She asked why...I told her that everyone runs me to death...But reality is, it's not all their fault. I allow them to. I'm always the one that's there...The one that everyone can rely on. I always put others before self but how come I never have my own Selfish moments? Well it's time that I do...I'm sure some of you are going to be like, "How dare she?" some will say "Good for you Leslie" either way I'm taking time away...

That's it! Eureka! I need a break from everything and everybody...Time to go back to God on some things...I think he is preparing me for what's next in my life...As I think about my roommate moving away, and me having to find a place on my own, maybe that's what I have to face...The reality of being alone for once. I've always surrounded myself with people and never really taken time for me. It's time I start. So if that means I miss a few outings here and there...Or that I have to spend a friday night in the house, so be it.

My prayer is that folks understand where I'm going...If you don't maybe our season as friends is over...I've grown to know and understand that friendships go through their own seasons...and as much as it may hurt, I have to accept that things are going this way for a specific purpose/reason.

Although it hurts even now to think about the major changes that are about to take place, I'm confident that God will be my comforter when I need it. He will continue to love me even in times when I feel alone and feel as though no one else understands.

I thank him for the strong support system that has been built. The family/friends that have been there to support, to comfort, and help heal. God is sooooo awesome! I won't name anyone's name because I don't want to forget anyone...Y'all know my memory is horrible. But if you have read this message and will be a supporter of my next mission in life. Thanks in advance!!! To all of those that may not understand or may not support my decision, that's okay...I still love you anyway (Insider: That supernatural love: Insider)

RevRunWisdom: "Real friendship is shown in times of trouble, prosperity is FULL OF FRIENDS"-Euripides

Now's the time when my real friends will show up and show out...I already have one on my side, and his name is JESUS!

Well enough rambling for one day...

Remember:

God is Love...
God is...
God...

As always, I'm here with a listening ear.

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Monday, November 16, 2009

.: The Pain of Relationships :. [I need a moment to vent]

There are no pictures today...No famous quotes...

I'm just a friend whose heart is heavy...

Abuse is Abuse...whether Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Verbal, or Emotional...it's all still damaging to the heart, mind, and soul.

When is enough, enough? As I sit in the background and watch a close friend continue to allow a man to verbally abuse her I wonder...When is enough, enough? For the last 5 years, I've watched as this man yells, curses, and degrades this young woman. For 5 years I've been a listening ear, I've offered advice, I've allowed her to cry on my shoulders...and again I ask...When is enough, enough?!

Has she ever tried fighting back? I guess so, if you consider yelling back at him fighting back...For me the ultimate victory would be picking yourself up, finding self love, and doing what's best for you and your family...

As I sat on the phone with her the other night and listened to the screaming match that she was having with her boyfriend, my heart grew heavy. How could any MAN or WOMAN disrespect others and themselves like that? I know what some may be thinking..."Leslie you're on the outside looking in. You don't understand..." Maybe I don't understand fully...but I also can't just continue to sit back and watch the disrespect that goes on between these two. The worse part of it all is that this happens in front of their kids. As I heard their son say "Daddy, don't talk to mommy like that" I had to fight back the tears. This is what their children are witnessing. That's the image that his children have to see...it's like they're saying yes son, it's okay to disrespect a woman by constantly yelling and cursing at her. Or yes daughter, it's okay to allow a man to disrespect you like this. Just shut your mouth and take it!

My heart hurts even now as I type this. It's not one persons fault, both are at fault...

As I hear her stories about how much time they DON'T spend together. How much they "say" they love each other but never have action to show it. The lies they tell each other...the emotional connection that they lack... .: Sigh :. When is enough, enough?

As I listen to Mya's 'Moodring' cd, the song "Taste This" comes on.

"Taste This"

I'm tired of this sh*t
I'm tired of these silly @ss games
I can't even look at you no more
And I don't think you'll ever understand
Until you get a dose of your own
It's your turn now

Crazy how I never use to say a single word
I just held in all the hurt, all this hurt
And I was so afraid you might flip out
And leave me in the cold
Then my mind ran out of space
So many stories untold

How would you feel
If I put my girls before the one I love
How would it feel
If every time you wanna talk
I turn the TV on
How would you feel
If when we're making love
I don't go down no more
So you know how I feel
Get ready cause a 3-6-0's about to go down

Taste this
You not a man
If I gotta tell you how to treat me (Oh)
And I'm not a woman
If I don't stand up in what I believe in
Taste that
50/50's it's suppose to be
But less than 25 is what you gave me


I just wish that all of it were true!!!!! Some days I just really wish that she would put all of those words into action. So as her friend I try to be patient. I try to sit back because I don't know what else to do. I never want to be in the middle of any relationship. Especially since I've been friends with both of them for the same amount of time. I just wish she'd really give him her 2 weeks notice! Ugh!!! She says she wants out...I know she's invested a lot, but honestly...No MAN or WOMAN for that matter, is worth the blood, sweat, and tears that she has suffered over these last years...No one deserves this treatment...No One...

So as her friend, what am I supposed to do? I pray for her all of the time. I pray for her strength. I pray for her patience. I pray for wisdom and that one day a light bulb will come on and she can finally say "ENOUGH!"

She reminds me every day why it's okay to be single sometimes. I never want to be in a situation or a "relationship" where I am always saying that having this "Man" is better than not having anyone at all...

Biggest Fear: One day a hand will be raised out of anger, and someone will physically get hurt... :(

I'm waiting and praying that her "Movin On" and "Take a Bow" and "Irreplacable" moment will come..........

I wait for the day that Self Love will outweigh Lustful Love...We all know that a physical relationship will never last...

So I ask for your prayers my friends...Pray for all women going through any type of abuse...Pray for those in bad relationships...Pray for those in relationships alone...Pray for those that are single and think that bad love is better than no love...

Like they say: I can do bad all by myself...

Sorry, folks, I just needed a moment to vent...

May his Peace be with each of you...

Always

[LOVE]

Forever

.: LA :.

Monday, November 2, 2009

.: Epiphany :.

I have been working on this blog for a little over a week now. Struggling to get through it because my mind is so cloudy...



I sit now thinking about the place that I'm in. How unhappy I am...How unfulfilled I am...How happy I once was...* sigh *

The best way for me to release and let go sometimes, is to let the tears flow. But how do I do that, when I'm all cried out!! I seem to have run out of tears. I'm not sure of when and how I lost that joy I once had. I was doing so well for so long. One day last week I just woke up and looked around, thankful for another day but yet still empty. I've been thinking a lot over these last couple of weeks. I lost focus...I lost sight of the most person thing...I lost sight of God.

I found myself going home every night, and instead of reading my word, I spent that time sleeping, or watching tv. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I knew things had gone wrong after I broke my commitment to God. Ultimately, I got distracted, and I didn't even attempt to find a way to regain focus, but I must. I have to now. There's no way that I can continue saying that I'm a child of God, and preaching one thing and doing another.

I have to forgive myself...I've already asked God for forgiveness but in order for me to move on, I've realized that I've got to get past me and back to him.

So I took a major step which was a part of forgiving myself...I had to let go of a relationship that was keeping me from moving forward. It was a relationship that I was allowing to distract me from my relationship with God. So caught up in the idea of "having someone", that I lost sight of self. I was forgotten when it became US. Couldn't do it anymore so I let go. Did this person do me wrong? No, but I knew that I wasn't where God wanted me to be. I tried to be my own Cupid instead of allowing God to be the lead. I knew it wasn't going to work out, but it was what I wanted, even if only for a moment. But I had to let go...And now, I am working on the reconstruction of ME.

End Result: I'm still a work in progress...

Thankful that God is a God of a second chance! Thank you God!!

Leslie is still


So, I didn't realize how attached I was to my cell phone.



Last Wednesday, my BB went down for the count and never regained consciousness. At first, I was saddned by the death of Be-Be (as she was affectionately known as) But by day 2, I realized that it was what I needed. I spent 5 days without a phone and I was okay with that. When I got a new one the system was down so they couldn't sync my phone. Therefore, I lost all of my contacts. Thank you God!!! Sounds crazy right?!? But I looked at it this way, I've been struggling to let go of some people from my past. I kept trying to bring back people into my life that I know God was trying to take away. I need a clean sweep through my phone. I kept saying, one day, I'm going to need their number...Foolishness!!! What in the world was I thinking about?!?! I needed to let go...I wanted to let go but wouldn't allow myself to, but thank God for the broken phone!

It's just another step on my road to recovery :) I will no longer be addicted to the Crackberry!!!


Words of Wisdom for the week: Be not weary, in well doing. In time, it will come to pass. Set your eyes on things above, know that God is working on your behalf. :)--Thank you Hezekiah Walker and The LFCC! [I'm staying focused. This joy that I have the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away]

"Every SET BACK that we go through is a SET UP for a COME BACK!--Thank you Rev. Joel Olsteen

So, enough rambling for the day...I do have work to do :-)

As always, I'm hear with a listening ear.
Keep me in your prayers as you are in mine...

Peace and Blessings!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

.: Mending and Healing :.

Ever been hurt?
Ever hurt someone else?
Ever had to heal?

Ever had to Repair a Ruptured Relationship?

Man, last night's sermon penetrated my heart in so many ways.

Points noted:
*You can't rupture something that you don't have
*If there is no investment, it's easy to move on
*If you can walk away without any stress, then there was never a relationship
*When you invest, when the relationship is meaningful, you will work to make it right


So I've evaluated some things during the past few months. I've been on an intense journey of stillness with God. I've learned about God, about self, and others. I'm working on self, as well as my relationship with God and others. It's amazing when you place yourself in a position that forces you to evaluate the current path or course that you're on. Man oh man have I had to re-evaluate some relationships.

I didn't realize that I was keeping some folks close to me, that I should have been letting go of. And so I've thought on these things for the last few months...And while on this journey, I've seen some relationships build, others go stronger, and some fall off. I'm okay with that. I've come to the conclusion that I don't have control over every aspect in my life. I've learned that there are battles not even worth fighting and that ultimately, GOD is in control.

I'm going to repair some ruptured relationships...



So.......

Current Struggle #1:
I am on a rocky course at work. After 2 years of busting my butt to get into the lead position for my team, in a matter of days, it is all being taken away from me. Why you ask? Some say I'm too young to be in the position. Some say I don't have enough education. Some might even say that I don't have the necessary experience. What they have forgotten to say, is how much the team has improved since I've been the acting Lead/Manager for my team. They have forgotten to acknowledge the improvements made, the strong supporting team, and the praise I receive from vendors. And yes, they may have forgotten how over the past 1.5 years, we have gone through SIX temps, but I've been the only one to survive and continue to grow in this position. None of that matters...None of that means anything to them. Instead I am dealing with people that have decided to help someone else who doesn't have the necessary experience. I'm being overlooked and now I may be working for someone that knows NOTHING about my position. But I guess since they have a certain piece of paper from a University, a couple of years of experience in management, and our friends with the right people, that it somehow qualifies them to take over my position.

So what do I do?--I have really had to learn the power and strength behind resting in God's will. I know that there is a reason that I'm going through this storm. I know that there is a reason that I'm fighting to stay alive right now. I have every intention to continue to rest in God's will.

How do I do it?--Through prayer, through hope, through forgiveness. It isn't a coincidence that we are learning about forgiveness in church right now. I have taken on a whole new understanding of the verse: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." Sometimes I wonder if people really think about some of the actions that they take.

Current Struggle #2--I had a weak moment. I broke a promise that I made to myself and to God. I didn't use my better judgement and now my mind is at a crossroad.

Biggest lesson learned: If the spirit says no...Say no. I also had to forgive myself. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory God.

Now what? I forgive myself, I love myself, and I ask God for forgiveness. From there, I work to get back in line with God's will. It was my decision and now I must endure the consequences.

After you've done all you can, you just stand!



And that's what I'm going to do...I'm going to stand on the promises of God. Stand in faith that he will see me through these storms...

With all of that said...my mind, body, and soul is tired...I'll be back with more later on...

As always, I'm here with a listening ear if you need me...

Peace and Blessings!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Monday, September 28, 2009

.: Missing Pieces of Me :.

What used to be fun, now bores me
What used to once fulfill me now empties me
When did this...
How did this...
What did I miss?
Woke up one day and realized that my heart's desires
That my dreams and thoughts of you had changed
And now
I find myself seeking for more
Yearning for more
Hoping and wishing more for fullness
Fullness in all areas
The mental
Spiritual
Physical and emotional
There are some things I have forgotten
Its been so long since Love has invaded my soul that I've forgotten how to
When to
Who to
Love
Beyond self, and family and God
You know
The intimate type
The times when ballads were meaningful
When heart felt the same as mind
The unique blend of joy and "freeness"
The absence of loneliness
The presence of openness
The deletion of envy
The insertion of comfort
What happened to the "So Amazing"s
and the "Someone to Love"
Instead
My heart is full of how "I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW"
The "Heartbreaker" that tells my heart that I should be "Movin On"
The place I promised never to be in again
And I hate myself for it
Let you in
Let you invade
Let you persuade my heart
To love again
To breathe again
To BE again
You used to be my "Who"
I used to L O V E U but Y
You don't write, BORING * Yawn *
You don't read * yawn *
You don't sing * stretch *
You don't dance * yawn and stretch *
What did I see?
What blinded me?
What was it?
When was it?
How did I....
Why did I....
Now what do I do...
causeistillloveyou

Monday, September 14, 2009

.: S.O.S. :. [Newness Part IV]



Last night I cried myself to sleep.

After an emotional reading of Psalm 23 and 25. I cried, then I prayed, and I cried some more. The crazy thing is, I don't know what my tears were for? I think my mind and spirit are confused. I think I've become too immune to pain and heartache. I don't really handle it anymore. I view it as a grain of salt, but never really have any type of emotional break down or anything. It has/had become so bad that sometimes I don't even know when I'm going through. Last night I did...

This morning, with swollen eye lids I arose from slumber, thankful to see another day. Yet I still sit here confused, perplexed by last nights events. What did my tears mean...Let's run down the many things going through my mind...

Possible reasons for tears:

* I still sit in confusion on my real purpose
* I still am unsure of where God is leading me
* Do I stay?
* Do I go?
* Do I finish that which was not completed years ago?
* Is my heart still in it?

Man, now I understand why I'm so confused...My mind and spirit are dealing with so many things...

As I sit and read Psalms 25 to myself again, I am still getting emotional. The verses are penetrating my spirit and soul in a mighty way...

VS. 4 Show me the right path, O Lord;
point out the road for me to follow


[This was my prayer to God last night because I am lost. I stand at a fork in the road unsure of which road to take. So I stand asking God to show me the way]

VS. 8 The Lord is good and does what is right;
he shows the proper path to those who go astray


[This gave me hope. Lord knows that in my time, I have gone astray. I just need God to bring me back]

VS. 11 For the honor of your name, O Lord,
forgive my many, many sins.
12 Who are those who fear the Lord?
He will show them the path they should choose.
13 They will live in prosperity,
and their children will inherit the land.
14 The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.
He teaches them his covenant.
15 My eyes are always on the Lord,
for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies.


[Thank God for these verses! How appropriate is "Calling my name" (Hezekiah Walker and LFCC) to be playing in the background. He's still calling me. Even though I have sinned, he still calls me. How amazing/awesome/incredible is that? How I need thee O' God]

VS.16 Turn to me and have mercy,
for I am alone and in deep distress.
17 My problems go from bad to worse.
Oh, save me from them all!
18 Feel my pain and see my trouble.
Forgive all my sins.
19 See how many enemies I have
and how viciously they hate me!
20 Protect me! Rescue my life from them!
Do not let me be disgraced, for in you I take refuge.
21 May integrity and honesty protect me,
for I put my hope in you.


[What more can I say...]

The last few conversations that I've had with close friends and family, they've been telling me to ask God for what I need, and to be exact. This is my struggle. I want to make sure before going to him, that my WANTS are not before my NEEDS. Sometimes in life we get so focused on the wants, and that's not always what we NEED at the time. So I've struggled, I've delayed going to God on things because I'm still confused on what I really am asking for. So instead, I just pray for Guidance, Discernment, Patience, and Understanding. Last night I got a little more specific [That's between me and God of course]I know he heard me, but I wonder what his answer will be. I know he'll answer. God always answers. I wait in anticipation, and I don't mind waiting, but am I wrong for wondering what the answer will be?


I miss my Shiloh Family!!!


I've been away from my church home for the last month and a half. In August I was out of town for most of the month, so I was only there for two sundays. I went to Bible Study a couple of times. This month, because I was sick the first week, I opted to listen to an old Sermon from Pastor. That was good for me. This past Sunday, I went to another church close to home with my roommate. I know she's been looking for one closer to our apartment so I suggested a church and decided to visit with her on Sunday.


The sermon came out of Haggai [When first mentioned in the sermon I sat with the confused face. How many sermons actually come out of Haggai?] It was entitled: "Why we don't always get, everything God has for us"

Man, oh man, did that shoot a dagger right through my heart. The song says: "What God has for me, it is for me" So when I'm missing out on some things it's not because God has forgotten me, but maybe I need to evaluate my current walk and the things I'm doing.

So he gave us three points to consider when I'm wondering why I'm not getting everything that God has for me.

1. Consider your Sacrifice-It's my responsibility and duty, to honor God. That's in sacrifice of my time, my money, and my body.

2. Consider your Obedience-I must be obedient to God's will and call on my life. That means I can't only hear God, I must also listen...

3. Consider your Service-I must not only serve God and thank God for what he's done, but also because of who he is. It's how I can show my love and appreciation for who he is.

There it is--> S.O.S. (Sacrifice, Obedience, Service)

So it's time for me to really look in the mirror at myself. I can't continue to be afraid of what is going to look back at me. I must give God the glory and honor that is due...I never know what I could be missing out on.

So I will stay in STILLNESS....."Be Still And Know That I AM GOD!"
It's time for me to get more comfortable with the word, on my own, and not just in church and Bible Study.

Like the word says: "Consider your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path"

I'm ready to walk in my destiny!!!


So continue to pray for me during this time. I'm still finding my way. I'll be back at it soon. Lord knows I miss singing and dancing!! So for now I'm getting my private praise and worship on lol :)

As always, I'm here with a listening ear if you need me.

Peace and Blessings!

Always
[LOVE]
Forever

.: LA :.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Ninja Chronicles [Part III]




Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything from my Ninja Chronicles...

So where should I begin? I was out at "The Park" last Thursday in celebration of the bornday of a close friend of mine. I mean really, how often do I go out anymore, and at that, on a Thursday night? Well anyway, so I was out and I'm coming out of the restroom the same time as this guy. I walk towards the sink, but he heads towards the exit. (For those that don't know, the bathrooms are unisex so there are communal sinks when you come out of the restrooms) Anyway, so I proceed to call the brother out.

The conversation was somewhere along the lines of this:

Leslie: "Sir, ummm aren't you forgetting to wash your hands?"
Sir: "I washed them before I went in the bathroom."
Leslie: "Okay, but um you need to wash them when you come out as well"
Sir: "Why? My goods are clean. I washed my hands before going in so that I don't put the germs from the outside world on my stuff."

The conversation went on, Roomie and I harrassed him and he eventually washed his hands...

The nasty part was, he tried to shake our hands before washing them and had the nerve to be offended when we wouldn't touch him!

So how often does this happen? How many hands have I shaken and the guy had not washed his hands after leaving the restroom?

Needless to say, I was quite disgusted for the evening...

But like I always say, Ninjas will be Ninjas...

I am forever scorned by Thursdays' events and will be careful to shake the hands of a man from now on...

Thanks Drew!! (That was his name. He took interest in us after we hounded him. Like he was really gonna get play. HA!)

Anyway, that's all for now...

Until next time...

Peace, Love, and Soap!

Always
[Love]
Forever,

.: LA :.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

.: The Journey is still going :. [Newness Part III]

Last night, the clock struck 12:00 a.m. and I was still awake. So I did something I probably shouldnt have done. I got in my car, and I drove...No real destination I just wanted to get out to clear my head. I was alert and made sure I had a charged phone and a wallet. I just drove...


At first, I found myself making a bunch of right turns and then it clicked, Leslie, you're about to end up right back where you started...

Then the light bulb came on...

That's what I've doing in regards to my own life pattern...Following the same path, making right turns and ending up right back where I started...There's hardly ever been in variation in my routine of life...I did the same things every week. Went the same places, did so many things routinely and never thought anything about it. I kept wondering why it seemed as though my path was never extending...I never allowed it to. As soon as I saw a road block coming, I just made a right turn or a U-turn...I found a way to get back to where I once was...


You know how they say 2 steps forward, 3 steps back...I DID THAT! What in the Ham Sandwich! How did I not see that? How did I not know that? I guess I was so afraid of the path ahead of me, that I ran...I allowed emotion to take over and I retreated...I found a way not to face it. I took the easy way out. That is no more!!!!

On Sunday, I opted to sit out from church and to have it on my own. I listened to one of Pastor Earl's sermons and it was about Returning to Dark Places. It was interesting that this was the sermon that I played because it is definitely something that I am dealing with at this very moment. I have been contemplating the return to a dark place. I have been taking some necessary steps in order to make some things happen. If it is God's will, then it will all work out. I don't want to give out any details until some things are finalized. Just keep me in prayer...

I'm keeping it short today...I have a lot on my plate at work so I gotta get back to it...

Until next time...

Remember, I'm always here with a listening ear...

Peace and God's Blessings!!!

Always [LOVE] Forever,

.: LA :.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

.: The Journey continues... :. [Newness Part II]

Play while reading:

We Worship You - Gideon Band

It is only a snippet, so to hear the whole song, click the link that says "play full song"...

This morning it felt like September...
Cool air, the smell of fall...I needed that this morning. I needed something new, something fresh...

Sometimes I just want to drive to the mountains


Sometimes I just need a moment with God...Somewhere in a peaceful setting. No highways, no police sirens, no children playing...Just me and nature, just me and God.

Last night I tossed and turned for a while. So I decided to get up and have a moment with God. I turned on 'Gideon Band' and I began to dance. What a release. I've been so busy and wrapped up in everything going on in life, that I hadn't taken the time for my own personal worship. End Result: I fell right to sleep

Reflections on this past weekend:

*Black Love is beautiful- I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to participate in two weddings this month. How awesome of an experience it was. Not just because these were two of my closest friends, but because these were both my spiritual bestfriends. It was exciting to witness because both of these marriages, I know, were ordained by God. To witness their relationships progress across the years has been inspirational and encouraging. It is their relationships that give me the hope, and help me to keep the faith in knowing that God has mad a man for me. It reassures me that I'm on the right track by keeping God first, and keeping the faith, and TRUSTING him.

*Even when apart from some friends, the bond can still hold tight-
It's amazing how you can be closer to those that are far away, than you are to those that live close by. I can honestly say that God has blessed me with some amazing friends. Some may only be in my life for a season, some for a specific reason, and some to last a lifetime...God has blessed me with some wonderful friends that I hope to be around for a long time.

*I must continue to trust God- These last few days, I've really been struggling with this "stillness". I know that this is where I'm supposed to be, but sometimes I struggle with whether or not I'm hearing God correctly. Sometimes I wonder if where I am is where I placed myself, or if its where God led me to. Even when I stumble, even when I fall, God is always there...Where would I be without him? Lost...

And how amazing he is...As I'm writing this blog, the song "Be Grateful" by Walter Hawkins is playing. So right now, in the midst of this storm I'm in, how encouraging this song is.

Lyrics: "God has not promised me, sunshine, that's not the way it's going to be, but a little rain mixed with God's sunshine, a little pain makes me appreciate the good times. Be Grateful. God desires to feel your longings. Every pain that you feel, he feels them just like you, but he can't afford to let you feel only good. Then you can appreciate the good times. Be Grateful."

So in this storm, I'm continuing to remain grateful, because on the otherside is my breaktrhough. On the otherside of every storm is a rainbow.
leads to...

So I must keep fighting. Even though I may not understand everything that I'm going through at this very moment, I'm grateful for everything I'm going through...

Songs that played while writing this blog...

It shall come to pass by Hezekiah Walker
"Hold on and believe, it shall come to pass"
Healing by Richard Smallwood
"Don't be discouraged, joy comes in the morning/mourning. Know that God is nigh. Stand still and look up. God is going to show up. He is standing by..."


So as the tears stream down my face, my soul is encouraged, my spirits are lifted because I know that God has some great things in store for me. Thanks be to God for all that he's done, all that he's doing, and all that he's going to do...

As always, I'm here with a listening ear if you need me.

Peace and Blessings!!!

Always [LOVE] Forever,

.: LA :.

Monday, August 24, 2009

.: Food for the soul (Soulfood) :.

Day 5 of "Stillness"- I took a major step today and mailed off some forms that may effect where I will be in the next year. * Sigh * I'm proud of myself...I didn't think I would do it. You know how sometimes you can be all talk...I was scared I was falling into that "stereotype". But I did it...I trusted God and I did it.

Yesterday was my first Sunday in my moment of Stillness. As I stated before, I'm just a congregation member for the next month or so. It was different. I made it to church on time, I sat in the congregation and I didn't linger too long after service. I was only there long enough to order my CD's to catch up on Bible Study. I did get comfortable for a sec, but my big sister Samia checked me and told me I was already supposed to be gone. I had forgotten that quick!!! So thanks SAMIA...How awesome it is to have accountability partners...

So what is stillness?


**Stillness is the beginning of Creation
**Stillness is all knowledge
**Stillness is extreme power

Like I've said before, God is birthing new things in me...(Creation) God is implanting new ideas, new realizations, new visions [Knowledge] and God is the head of it all [Extreme Power]

In stillness, everything imaginable and unimaginable has the power to be created...Why?

Because...

Stillness is GOD

I am SOOOO Excited for this journey...

.: Reflections :.



Phillipians 4:4-8 Hallelujah Anyhow

Yesterdays sermon fed my soul in so many ways. Bunny reminded me yesterday that after my breakthrough a few weeks ago, when I was set free from the rape, I emptied out my system. Now, during my moment of stillness, I must be careful with what I fill myself back up with. So I'm remembering all of this during my time away. Now is not the time to completely shut myself out from things, but I must be careful of what I'm allowing to be poured into that hole...

So yesterdays sermon was good food for the soul and spirit...

:Nourishing points:
*No matter how tough my situation may be...no matter how many things I've been through, and may be going through, GOD is still worthy of my PRAISE, and my WORSHIP...

*No matter what is going on in my life, I can still Rejoice because it could be worse!

*Even though I may not understand right now, where God is taking me, Hallelujah Anyhow!

*My Hallelujah makes the Devil Mad...My Hallelujah is how I can praise my way out of a situation.

*It may be rough right now, but HALLELUJAH ANYHOW!

*I may be struggling, but HALLELUJAH ANYHOW!

* God is worthy of my praise-So what does this mean? It means that I must have working knowledge of God within the perimeters of my life. I can't praise, if I don't believe he exists...

Sometimes I'm asked, Leslie, how are you able to overcome your obstacles? How are you able to continue to smile, even when it seems like your world is crumbling before you? How do I overcome? I look back at where God brought me from...I am able to smile because of the joy that God gives me. The Joy of the Lord is my strength. It's how I endure during tough times. GOD is the reason I smile.

So how do I continue to press my way through? I keep a few things in mind...

1. Pray my way through [Gotta stay in constant communication with God]
2. Put my trust in God and NOT Man! [Allow God to have total control over my life]
3. Reference God [I'm nothing without him, but I can do ALL things with him] Be thankful

My prayer for today:
Hallelujah! Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you for your goodness and your mercy. Thank you Lord for your unmerited favour. Thank you Lord for you friendship. It's another days journey, but I'm glad about it! Thank you for continuing to show me new mercies each and everyday. You are God alone. I love you, I thank you and I praise you for being God. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Well, that's all for the day...

Until next time...

Remember, I'm always here with a listening ear.

Always [LOVE] Forever,

.: LA :.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

.: The journey begins :. [Newness Part I]



Whoo! It's been a while.

I must say, August has been a busy month thus far. Bridal Showers and weddings, Family Reunions and Cookouts...I have had one busy month and we are only half way through!

Update: God has called me back into a moment of stillness. This time I really must be still. I had a lot of distractions last time, and he wants my full attention. As a result, last night, I had to do something that was very difficult for me. I had to let the dance ministry know that I would not be participating in anything with them for the next month +. :-o Crazy Right!?!?!

Some may not understand how hard that was for me. A little over 4 years ago, there was no dance ministry at church. I moved back from Norfolk and with the help of Bunny, was able to bring it back to church. When you invest so much of your time and energy into something, it is sometimes hard to let it go. I'm not leaving the ministry, but this temporary break is going to be different for me.

I think that God is trying to prepare me for something greater. He's already told me that I won't be in the same position over the ministry forever. I've grown to accept that. That's something people miss sometimes. We think that because we started something, that we are supposed to be over it for the rest of our lives, but does that really leave room for growth?

Like I told David's Dancers last night...As far as the minstry, I'm not going anywhere, but I'm going somewhere. God is preparing me for a journey...He is taking me somewhere, and I want to be ready...

Life for me is about to change...

For 26 years I've lived my life as this overly active church member. I was always singing or dancing, ushering or leading and so on and so forth... I've always played an active role in the church in some way. How different is it going to be for me to just be a congregation member? Very different!! I will be coming for service and going home, Attending bible study on time because I arrived on time, not because I had a meeting before...

It's going to be new and different...but I intend to take on this journey with an open mind and heart and open ears so that I hear exactly what God wants from me.

My new journey is about to begin...

So, either come along for the ride...


Or get to steppin...


Cause I'm headed to the top...

Geez, I'm so corny sometimes...

But as always, I'm here with a listening ear if you need me...

Always [Love] Forever,

.: LA :.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

.: FrEeNeSs :. [Self Evaluation Part VIII]



Oh my goodness...Why in the world did I NOT set myself free a long time ago? I was causing myself so much unnecessary stress!! and for what reason? Was it because I was ashamed? [Well, yes, for a long time I was] What did I gain from being bound? [Stress, loss of hair, sadness, misery, etc.] Was I hurting myself more then helping? [Yes, OMG]

I was so selfish when I was holding all of that in...I didn't think about anyone the many lives that I was affecting by being bound. I didn't think about how I was keeping myself from fulness in God. Man oh, man...what a mess I made because I didn't listen when he was talking to me.

As most know, I recently publicly stated my Rape that happened 4 years ago. For 4 years I lived in shame. When it happened, it took me 4 months to even tell my family. Yes, I needed time to recover and heal from the process but in the process, I found myself more bound because I was too ashamed to share.

I have learned over the past 4 years, the truth to the statement: Everything happens for a reason...

Never in my wildest dreams, would I have ever thought that by setting myself free, that I would inspire others to be free. I thank God for my big sister Bunny...she was there for me probably more then most know or think. It was her freeness that inspired me. FrEeNeSs is like a chain reaction, and I already see it manifesting all through out church. So many people, young and old, male and female, have come to me expressing their appreciation. My reply/response is thankfulness that God used little old ME to inspire and encourage his people.

The most fulfilling moment thusfar since my FrEeNeSs was activated: Sitting at a table with 6 other co-workers, being able to speak freely about the Rape, as an example. We were in discussion about a girl that waited a long time to come out about it. Since most had not been through it, they didn't understand how REAL the situation is...Yesterday, I was stopped in the hallway by my co-worker who thanked me for being so open. She praised me for being able to speak about it...Why? because she's been bound by hers for 25 years. She still has trouble speaking about it. So we talked, and I just let God use me...and a conversation that started with sadness, ended with smiles and laughs...I thank God for using me...

So, life is just different now...

This joy that I have...the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away...

Set yourself FREE

Spread your wings like a butterfly


Be a beacon in the dark of night...You never know who's life you can impact by sharing your testimony.

But know and realize that setting yourself free is not a one step process. It's something that continues on...But know that the longer you stay bound, the happier the devil is...

Know that when you do finally set yourself free, the devil is going to be busy...But when you're free, and that JOY takes over, there's nothing that can take that joy away.

So keep fighting, keep praying. God can and he WILL bring you through.

As always, I'm always here with a listening ear...Free to love and free to share. I just don't want someone else to go through what I've been through.

Until next time...

Always [Love] Forever,

.: LA :.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Meditation with Moms

The King of Pop United With the King of Kings

What if we took a look at some of the songs that Michael Jackson, King of Pop, wrote for the secular world and apply those titles to the spiritual world to honor the King of Kings?

We are invincible when we have Christ. We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

Do you wanna be startin’ somethin’ for Christ? Do you want to serve Him, worship Him in spirit and in truth?

Although it may be human nature, it is dangerous to succumb to the wiles of the devil, for the devil is bad and will only lead you into a life of destruction, but God redeems us from destruction when we trust in Him. You must wear your spiritual armor and keep up the good fight of faith. Tell the devil to just beat it! The enemy will flee when you quench his fiery darts with your shield of faith and pierce him with the sword of the spirit.

Can you say to Jesus the way you make me feel is the best thing you have ever experienced in your life? He is the lover of your soul. Can you say to Jesus I wanna rock with you? Do you want to be rocked in the bosom of Abraham?

Take a look at the man in the mirror and see if you are pleased with him. Does the reflection show that you are a disciple of Christ—that you are striving toward perfection?

It is easy as ABC to accept Christ as your Savior. All you have to do is confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart God has raised Him from the dead. Instead of singing stop the love you save may be your own, sing stop the life you save may be your own!

Don’t stop serving Jesus when times get tough, for He is still with you when you go through your storms. Don’t stop till you get enough of the goodness of God—until He calls you home to be with Him.

Remember the time when God brought you out when you were sinking. Think on how He delivered you and set you upon the rock. He is an on time God who will meet you at your point of need. You are not alone when you go through the valley. God is with you during the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the ups and the downs.


As disciples for Christ we need to come together to heal the world. For we are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving. There’s a choice we’re making; we’re saving our own lives; it’s true we’ll make a better day just you and me.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

.: Pieces of Me :.[Look where he brought me from]

How am I able to allow myself to be so open and vulnerable? I ask myself this question a lot. I really felt moved/led to share my story with the world. I've been looking back on where God has brought me from and I've been thinking about where he's trying to take me.

Will folks have a lot of questions after reading this? Absolutely! Will I be open and honest with every answer? Of course I will be! That's all i know to be. Anyways, brace yourself folks...This was written as a poem but it is a true life tale from the life of .: LA :.

We caught eyes as we lay next to each other in the bed that night...
I could tell from the look in your eye how bad you wanted me...
So you began...
You were kissing me and touching me...
Making me feel good all over...
Until you pushed a little too hard...
Suddenly what was once pleasure became pain...
Suddenly I felt the power and control I once had, slip away from me...
You continued to force yourself upon me...
As I resisted, it seemed like it was just fuel for you to keep pushing...
Fuel for you to keep going...
Fuel for you to keep hurting me...

I struggled to get you away from me...
When you had finally let up, I had lost all energy...
As I lay in the bed, tears began to form in my eyes...
As each one slid down my cheek, I was reminded of each second that you had taken control over me...
It reminded me of the lack of respect you had for me and my body
You were supposed to be my friend...

In a matter of 3 minutes, you had become my worst enemy...
In a matter of 3 minutes you had ripped my pride, my dignity, and my self-respect away from me...
You lied to me, deceived me and hurt me...

Do you know how I feel right now?
Do you know how it feels to have this emotional scar?
Do you know what it feels like to be degraded? Violated?
Do you know?

No, you don't know...
If you did, you wouldn't be begging for me to accept your apology...
If you knew, you wouldn't keep calling me trying to talk to me...
If you knew, I wouldn't be hurting so much right now...
If you knew, I wouldn't be living in fear right now...
If you knew, you never would've hurt me...

Written by Leslie Alexander
©2005


This post might change many of your thoughts/perceptions/views, etc. of me...I just wanted you to know one of the driving forces that was a part of the makings of ME. I didn't post this for sympathy, I didn't post this expecting anything special from anyone. I just wanted you to get to know more about ME. Feel free to ask any questions, or make any comments.

This post was for me...I've finally found the missing piece


Acceptance!!! For a long time now, I thought I had accepted what had happened to me. I realized that I was still using it as a crutch. I allowed it to keep me from trusting, from achieving...I still had wounds left unhealed. Not because they couldn't be healed, but because I wouldn't allow them to be. But I'm free! I'm more free then I've ever been before in my life. Yes, that one man hurt me, but GOD has made one man for me that will love me and honor, and cherish and respect me. God has made the perfect man (complete with imperfections) for me...and I intend to wait until that man finds me, and I him. The single life isn't easy but the reward is fulfilling. I intend to wait on God

I hope my story/testimony can help someone else that may be going through...

I'm always here, with a listening ear...

Always [LOVE] Forever,

.: LA :.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Etymology (Spoken Word Series Part II)

As most of you know, my poetry speaks a lot on current as well as past situations. This is about one of the past. I'm glad to say that it isn't a part of my present. Maybe someone else needs this more than me...Enjoy!


I ran into the ex
Yea, him
The one that left me for she
The one that broke, wounded, and left my heart skarred
It's hard to see him now
He's got his own family
4 years and my heart still hurts
My wounds are still left unhealed
My heart still bleeds for the need to be loved by
Him
It was him that loved me in a way no other man could
It was he that once made me feel beautiful
He was the one, the only one that sent chills up my spine
and in time I just knew he would come back to me
But now I see
What was once just a nightmare
has truly become a harsh reality
You see he decided that WE, should be made up of him, her, and me
But I thought a couple was TWO, not Three
Now his mistake has altered my entire destiny
Our picture perfect relationship is null and void
You see, he thought he could lie to me and say that his focus was gone
He lied and tried to deny that his feelings for me were gone
but I knew better
And I let go
I could see in his eyes how hard he tried to fight his true feelings inside
And in his eyes I saw the truth
I knew there was a her
And that what we had was fading
I knew that it wasn't just because of her but that there was also a baby
And my heart hurt
He once told me that I was the future
He once told me that I was who should be, the mother of his future babies
But he killed that dream
He denied me the right
He denied me the TRUTH
He just left
No words
No calls
No letters
No Text
I got nothing
And I was left wondering
Claims he was too afraid to hurt me
But how could he just desert me?
I knew he had new responsibilities
but what about me
When did I not matter anymore
Why was I pushed aside
How come Im the only one feeling and dealing with the pain
Yea, I know it sounds insane but im finding it hard to maintain my sanity
And I just wish he could feel what I feel
I wish that he would have all the lonely nights
I wish he lacked trust
I just wish he could feel
What i feel
Every night that i sit
And wait
For the call to say "hey i think we need a break"
Or the text to say "we're through"
Or even the conversation that takes WE and turns it back to you and me
You see I
Just
want
to be free

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I refuse to sink... [Self-Evaluation Part VII]


Just because you don't feel the hand of God upon you, doesn't mean he isn't there...

Those are words that challenged me, they spoke to me and pierced my soul. How did I feel after hearing those words? Everything made sense. You see, when you think the hand of God isn't on you, you have a tendency to succumb to fear. I can honestly say that I have been one of those that has. I used to be afraid of storms...Pastor reminded us of a few things.

*Storms are inevitable [I can't run from them]
*Storms are unpredictable [There's always the calm before the storm. You never know when they are coming or how strong they will be]
*Storms are impartial [Storms rain on the just as well as the unjust; Blacks and Whites; Males and Females; etc.]
*Storms are temporary [Reminds me of the song I used to sing: "Encourage my soul, and let us journey on. For the night is young, and I am far from home. Thanks be to God, the morning light of peace. The storm is passing over, the storm is passing over, the storm is passing over, hallelujah"]

One thing that we have to remember is that storms do come over everyone, but its the way we respond to them that sets us apart from others. The key is to respond in FAITH and NOT fear.

The Pastor also reminded us of 3 things to do when you feel you're going under
1. Remember the Lords presence [Even when it seems like he isn't there, remember that he is. His presence makes all the difference.]

2. Rest in the Lords Promise [How simple it sounds, but how easily we forget to do so. Don't get so caught up in the storm that you forget about where God is taking you. Don't forget about V.35]

3. Rely on the Lords Power [The power is in the word; "Peace be still" Just remember that when God is ready to bring you out of the storm, it's by his word...]

What a concept right?!? Basically all you need to do is trust in the Lord, have faith [Faith without works is dead btw],pray, and strive to stay in his will. Yes we sometimes fall short, but God is a forgiving God. God is a God of Purpose. We must remember that everything that we go through is for a reason. He would never put more on us then we can bear.

So what are you saying Leslie?! What I'm saying is that I refuse to sink!! I refuse to allow fear to keep me from reaching my destiny!! God is too good and deserves more from me.

So keep fighting and keep praying my brothers and sisters...He's worthy!

Remember...

Always [Love] Forever

.: LA :.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Didn't I blow your mind this time...Didn't I? [ Self Evaluation Part VI ]


How amazing and awesome God is...

Last night's sermon was soooo on point...

Ephesians 3:14-21 "When God Blows Your Mind"

When God blows your mind, 3 things will happen:

1. Period of Transformation-When you all the spirit to work in and through you, your life transforms.

2. You become cognisant of your inner personality [God will begin to reveal things to you about yourself that you never knew existed]

3. There is a sense of awe (praise) that happens [You begin to praise him in advance for what he's going to do, not just for what he's done]

God can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we can ask or think. How awesome is that...When I pray and praise God for my house, he has the power to bless me with a home; When I pray and praise God for a husband and Children, he has the power to bless me with a loving family; When I pray and praise God for a job he has the power to bless me with the will and desire to start my own company...

[AMEN!]

I recognize and accept God moving in and through my life.

How amazing God is!!

Words can not begin to express the awesomeness of God...He is lifting me higher

Worship...Leadership...Is he leading me in that direction? Is he calling me to a higher level of worship through leadership? Can the two be put together?

I believe so, and I intend to continue to listen and hear from him.

God, I trust you...

My mentors in life [mombunnydaniellejeanettesamia]are all powerful women of God that were placed here to help me through many trials of my life...I thank God for these women. It is through these women that I've grown so much closer to God...They have helped me with my walk with Christ. Even when they didn't know it, they were constantly inspiring me to continue to press my way...They've encouraged me, uplifted me, they've held me accountable...I am so thankful to God...

Nothing can separate me...


Always [Love] Forever,

LA

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

How Young is too young? (Discussion Series Part I)

I just wanted to put the following question out there:

How young is too young to date? If you're 30, could you see yourself with someone who's 23 or 24? Is 3-5 years your limit? What about dating someone older?

Please post comments

Monday, June 22, 2009

He touched Me (Self Evaluation Part V)


This journey of stillness has been so interesting. As I sat in my moment of stillness this weekend, so many new things happened for me. For the first time in I don't know how long, I was actually able to sleep in on a Saturday morning. Even though I had obligations that afternoon/evening, to be able to wake up at 12:00 p.m. with no worries was STUPENDOUS!!!!(Insider to Aja lol) My dreams were quite interesting as well...There was one that I had where one of the Elders in my life told me the following statement: "I've seen a change in you, know that your husband is on his way".

This is very interesting to me. You see, I often pray and ask God that he speak to me when I sleep. Why you ask? No distractions from the outside world. So a lot of things that are set to happen in my life, actually happen in my dreams. Crazy you may say, but thats the way my life is. So I took this dream quite seriously, especially in my moment of stillness because I know he's trying to prepare me. My mindset has changed...I've begun to accept some things from people and myself. These are things that may or may not change about me as well as other people. There are things that I didn't see about people, and myself, that are being revealed to me. I've grown to accept these things, 'Flaws and All' right?!

Yesterday's sermon was great for me as well: 1 John 3:1-3
I took some notes for my own personal growth [A lot of things I already knew, but tend to lose sight of them when I'm going through]
* God is a Father that never turns his back (I appreciate that because even when friends fail me, or even when I fail myself, God is, and always will be there)
* God may not be my biological Father but he stands firm on his promise: "Lo I am with you always" (This is comforting to know because it's a good feeling to know that no matter what, there's always someone who will have my back)
* God's love engages me (He'll always comfort and keep me)
* Some people will only love me because of what I have right now. God loves me always! He takes me as I am! (No matter how many times I mess up, no how many times I fall, he'll always love me)
*There will be people that love me conditionally, but God loves me unconditionally. (Self-explanatory)
*He is the same Yesterday, Today, and Forever. (A blessing to know!)
* He will give me the desires of my heart
*I WILL praise him in advance
*Have Faith (God I trust you)

I praise him for where I've been, where I am now, and where he is taking me...

Who can separate me from the love of Jesus?! [I am SOULed out!]

Furthermore, in my moment, I'm learning to trust more than ever before. While I'm saying 'NO' to man, now is the time to say 'YES' to the Lord...

Songs of the moment:
"I'll Trust You" [James Fortune]
"Change" [Walter Hawkins]
"Yes" [Shekinah Glory Ministries]
"Souled Out" [Hezekiah Walker & LFCC]

Until next time...May God bless and Keep you...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yes to your will/way (Self-Evaluation Part IV)

So over the last couple of weeks, I've been in a moment of Stillness. I have removed myself from certain activities, I have had to let go of certain committments and have gone into meditation. During this time, I've realized a lot about myself. When I thought I was fully giving myself to God, I really was not. I was so busy over committing myself to everyone else, that I wasn't leaving enough room for God to be a part of my life. I was walking around tired, and worn out. When I would get home, I was always too busy to open my bible like I should. I was too tired to fall on my knees and pray. I was being a lazy Christian, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I was so busy trying to handle everyone else's problems, that I was ignoring my own.

Yesterday, there was a recurring theme throughout my day. "Will your heart and soul say yes?" In my darkest/midnight hour, when I have no where else to turn, will my heart and soul still say yes to God. When God says No, will I still say yes? I went into meditation and I began speaking to God. I surrendered to his will and his way. I told him yes! So these next few weeks, I know God will continue to work on me. I'm still in a moment of stillness. He has committed me to him, and him only. So don't take it to heart if I can't be there all of the time like you would like me to be. God is preparing to take me to another level and I can't wait.

Until next time...

God is...

LA

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

* Sigh * Contemplation


Some songs are really hitting home these days. This is the chorus to "If" by Destiny's Child

[Chorus]
If You Don't Know
Now you Know You Going To Miss
My Love
And I Ain't Stressing Bout A Dawg On Thang
Cause I was True When I Gave You
My Love (My Love Yeahhh)

If You Search You Will Never Find Another Love Like My Love
You going To Miss Me I Ain't Got Time While You Sit Around
And Play With my Love (My Love)


Thoughts: So lately I've been wondering some things...I'm finally at a point in life where I'm really ready to let go and be free. Free to love, Free to live, Free to give...but I've been wondering if I've been sharing it with the right person/people. I've finally hit a point in life where I have more time then I really know what to do with lol. The roles have finally reversed. I was once the one that was always too busy, now I'm finally the one stuck waiting. I wonder if its a test of Patience, I know I have the patience to wait, but I want to make sure I'm waiting for the right person/thing. I also don't like to ever feel as though I'm ever pushing too hard for something, but I won't be taken for granted either...I don't know...

Random Thoughts.........................................

Still thinking

[I won't be waiting forever]

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Def Ears--


God I don't know where to begin
I'm so lost I can't even pretend
like the girl (guy) that I see
right in front of me
don't have control
she's like a friend to my heart
key to my future
lover of soul

crazy thing I didn't even know her (his) name
who she (he) was and where she (he) came from
but she (he) passed me this passion
pushed back my action like we couldn't deal
said something bout timing
paths not alining but I need her (him) still

left my heart with lovely stranger
one way street headed for danger
closed my eyes but still can't fade her (him)
she's (he's) been there for years
I've been hurt messin wit lesser
even though I do no better
I spend my nights writing love letters
landing on Def Ears

So I ask
can she (he) be
a simple friend also made for me
is it a phase
just passing by
or could she (he) be missing pieces in my life

God I ask u for clarity
there's an answer theres gotta be
if it was just a crush or infactuation I'd understand
but she (he) reaches for me
uses words when we speak
like I was her (his) man (woman)

left my heart with lovely stranger
one way street headed for danger
closed my eyes but still can't fade her (him)
she's (he's) been there for years
I've been hurt messin wit lesser
even though I do no better
I spend my nights writing love letters
landing on Def Ears

So I ask
can she (he) be
a simple friend also made for me
is it a phase
just passing by
or could she be missing pieces in my life

~Eric Roberson~

Just let it marinate