Monday, November 28, 2011

.: Still Trusting :.

Wow, what a journey this year has been...

A year ago, I found myself struggling with a lot of things.

*Trust*--in God, in myself, in family, in men.
*Sex*--I fell short of my commitment to abstain
*Love*--of myself and who I've become, to others, from others
*Commitment*--to God, to my calling, relationships

A lot of the issues I never shared with anyone. I just went on as though there were no real issues. I actually believed that a lot of the issues would just disappear and I would not have to make any changes within my life or within myself in order for things to go right. Foolish Mortal

It took a while but there were number of nights that I cried, and prayed...Nights that I had to be alone with just me and God. During this time, I watched as relationships crumbled...and others grew strong...I watched as things within me transformed...My spiritual life transformed...

I realized that in order to get where I needed to be, that I had to take a lot of necessary steps and let God lead me. These are all things I already knew, but I wasn't actively practicing.

back in early 06, I made a commitment to abstain from sex until I was in a committed relationship. During that time I dated a few men, but because they couldn't get down with my choice to remain abstinent, they had to float on...In October 09 I slipped made a mistake, but I quickly learned from it and changed my vow from abstinence to celibacy...

Many even now don't understand why I made the decision that I did. I hear so many comments "You'll never find a man that will wait" "You're crazy" "Do you really think a man will be faithful" And that's fine because one thing I will never do is compromise my morals and values for the sake of a man, or society...So I'm sticking to my guns!

With that said, I know that it means, I will be in my single season right now...and that's fine...But don't get me wrong, this is not a lifestyle for everyone, and I would never force my view points on anyone..This is the life I've chosen...You choose yours and live yours...

I'm gonna keep the faith that God is preparing someone just for me...that not only understands my life choices but also respects it more importantly. So I will continue to wait patiently for my day...

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